Its a little disconcerting to find the same questions thrown back at you right after you had decided that your life was above all this. That you couldn’t really believe that people asked such silly questions of total strangers…..or did they?
Listening to viewpoints shared by friends and relatives alike, reading blogposts that talked about it .
I would read and listen and nod my head in a trying-to understand -you- but- not- quite -there manner.
But that was before marriage.
How many years has it been? Oh! it’s been quite some time no?
Since all of us that is I and my friends are in the same phase of life…newly married and young, we are getting highly annoyed with these cross examinations.
Enjoying haan? We’ll see how much fun you have after having a baby.
(To a friend ) Arre!I t’s been that long ? Plan a baby now yaar.
I am sorry. For what I am about to say.
On behalf of moi and all my friends who get disgusted with such comments/advice/gyaan/saving our party going give a damn souls/call it what you will.
Dear ladies who are the givers of all gyaan,
I am sorry if you think marriage is like some sort of a sand clock where we are all racing against time.
I am not and I refuse to.
I am sorry if you think a baby is something you must have after x number of marriage years.
I am sorry if you think that having a baby ‘seals’ the marriage bond. Or that a baby instantly ‘cures’ even the most abusive of marriages.
No, it is two individuals who are friends, lovers and soulmates in a marriage who do that . A baby is not a ‘solution’ to marital problems.
I am sorry that you don’t have the basic courtesies of life in place.If it is not okay to talk or question someone about the intimacies of a marriage. If it is considered rude to ask someone about their finances then how is it that the ‘baby’ question is okay?
I am sorry if you regret having your baby early.
A baby doesn’t hamper one’s life but enriches it.
I can see how much you are enjoying your little one when you try to ‘palm off’ your baby’ to any and every woman you come across because ” arre enjoying too much na. Here take my baby” and disappearing for hours together.
We want to have a baby. PM and I. Not when society tells us to. Not when friends tell us to. Not when relatives tell us to.
But when we want to.
I want to hold the little bundle in my hands. I want to see the look on his face when his son or daughter smiles up at him for the first time. I want to imagine how we will feel when we hear the first gurgle. I want so many things.
What I don’t want is regret. The way I see it in every action of yours. In your eyes. Of how you feel chained by your baby. How you feel that your marital bliss was cut short because of the little one. How you feel of what could have been. Should have been.
I am sorry for the stress you are going through.
I am sorry because I can kind of understand that taking care of a baby is hard, hard work and that you are entitled to outbursts. I know that taking care of a baby minus the help of any relatives or maids or even your husband at times is stressful.
But please don’t include other women in it. Women who are capable of taking decisions for themselves.
I know that some of the advice could be right. I know that some of it could be useful information.
But not when it comes from you . An almost stranger.You who lurks in every corner. Not when I have not asked you for your precious advice. You who has decided that every woman needs to know when to ‘plan’ a baby and you will tell her when. It’s embarrassing and more than that it is darn insulting.
Please let me live in peace or the ‘sledgehammer me’ is going to take over pretty quick.
The stubborn chit
PS: I can see you giving me unsolicited parenting advice a few years down the line. After I have a baby. You are never really going to go away are you? *shudders*
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