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Middle child…:)….(and err… a very long post..:D)

February 17, 2009

This post was lying as a draft…and a rather vague one at that.
Then I read Solilo’s heartwarming post..:)one which brought back a lot of memories..She described the relationship with her brother so warmly and beautifully.I saw traces of myself ..no I saw myself and my brothers when she described her own bond with her brother.:)
When she said Puchu,I remembered a day long back when a little brother was called ‘cheeku’by both his older siblings just so they could embarasss him:D
Thanks Solilo!:)((warm hugs))

So many memories came rushing back.
Like Solilo,I too was the older child or the first child,one of my brothers A was the second one or the middle one.
Cheeku:D was the youngest,the baby of the family.
Cheeku the youngest one in the family.:)

henceforth middle bro refered to as MB or A and youngest bro ref to as YB..:)

While growing up I never paid much attention to the fact that anyone was older,middle or youngest.I believe it was because I was the oldest. .I had been pampered for so long that I considered it my due.The first child,the first daughter on both sides of the family after a long time.Everyone on ma’s side of the family had always had a girl as the first child.They considered the birth of a girl as the first child, auspicious.

I was a healthy child..all tiny black curls and big eyes.Mom and dad were ecstatic.
I was the first.
The first child.The first baby out of a shared together.The promise of a future they dreamed of.
So I was pampered.Pampered silly.Every time I went to my Naanu and naani’s house I was treated like a princess.Every time I went to Daadu and Daadi’s house I again was pampered silly.Even though ,Daadi was not quite happy with a granddaughter (she had her heart set on a grandson)yet she never uttered a word beyond that first day when I was born.She could see that it mattered to her son and therefore it mattered to her.

MB was born a year after me.The family was complete ma and dad felt.A little girl and a boy.What more could one want?My little brother A,and I always think of him as ‘little’ was a frail kid.He had been sick and very weak when he was born.He was the quietest child ever.Even now when he ever falls sick,he doesn’t make demands of this or that to be brought.It is left to the others to find out of their own accord and go and sit with him and soothe him
Are these signs of the middle born?

I,on the other hand could not and still cannot bear being alone ..especially when I am sick.I rant,I shout,I make silly demands.I make sure that someone will always sit beside me when I fall ill.
Do you see the brattiness here?Touches of the first born?

I receieved both ma’s and dad’s attention for a year.Then MB came.and since he being a baby required a lot of care ,more so because of his sick health.I was entrusted to dad’s care.And so my bond with my dad is stronger than most kids have.

And A’s bond with ma is stronger than with any of us.Ma understands him like no other.She knows,just instinctively knows what this child of hers is thinking…of how he feels at any given time.She pampers him in her own little ways.and now that it has been so many years that he left homefor the Army,and only visits once in a while when time allows,this affection of ma gets even stronger.

I was rather jealous of this new entrant to the family.I wanted my mother all to myself.I wanted both my parents always with me.
One moment I would be in the garden playing,and the next moment within
minutes I could be found toddling my way towards the room where he was sleeping.I would have poked his eyes out one day had dad not rushed into the room and stopped me.I thought his eyes were fascinating and tried to get my fingers there…(don’t go eewww):D

As a result of this need on mom’s part to take care of a new born and my 24/7 company with dad some changes came about ,I now realize.
While I am and have always been close to dad,A is not that close to him.Or maybe he is but both of them are the quiet kinds,the stoic ones.Both do not communicate much.It takes me or mom or YB to get them to open up.:)
They reciprocate our hugs but cannot give each other any.Two stoic undemonstrative souls.Is it any wonder?

But it is only lately that I have started realising that these similarities might be due to the fact that they are both middle born.I mentioned it as a passing thought.Nothing more.And yet after reading Solilo’s post,I started searching on the web…trying to see if the birth order has any correlation with the personality.

And well..a lot of things rang so true..
We were and are a textbook family of three kids and a happy well adjusted,well balanced environment..Ma and dad gave us all the same upbringing,the same education,the same love and affection.We were and are well balanced and well adjusted kids.(atleast I think so)

I was just an year old when A was born.Even then ma and dad had spoken to me (whatever I could understand I suppose:D)about a new baby brother coming home.About how I would now have a playmate.They tried to prepare me in many ways.They were aware that I was so used to being the centre of attention and hence might be really jealous.After a few weeks I became rather protective of A.

When YB was going to be born,ma and dad prepared me and A amazingly well for it.We were told stories of how a little baby would be coming to the house.I and A even contributed ten rupees each to the ’cause’ LOL!!
For years since then ,I and A lived under the belief that YB had been brought with our twenty rupees…:D
And whenever he cried too much we would practically wail and beg ma and dad to return him back to the shopkeeper or wherever he was brought from.
We changed our minds every second day and sometimes we would both mutually decide that baby brothers were a nuisance and hence we now wanted a baby sister.:D

The point is that no matter how much one’s parents prepare one…for the arrival of a new addition to the family,a child will always have his or her own peculiar reaction to it.

Children have their own ways to cope and their own ways of dealing with things..
But yes,sensible and thoughtful parents as mine were can make the transition smoother and more joyous.To never ever differentiate between children even in the slightest manner…is a tightrope few parents can walk.

Dad and A both pretend to be indifferent to each other at times.They love each other but I have never heard them say it.Both are the old school men in a lot of ways.
And yet I see a certain similarity in dad and A.Both are the middle born.

A demanding nature and a confidence that comes from being an older child in me…a certain brattiness and a babying of YB by all of us,(specially after the last year)
in YB.

A is the quiet one,has always been as far as I can remember.He never knew how to lie.Still doesn’t.
Me?I tell fibs like I invented the word.And I don’t even feel guilty.
A? A has a conscience that would never allow him to lie.

He being just a year younger than me was my constant companion.We both were inseparable. Even then A was the mature sensible one.He would report back to ma if he saw me eating mitti..And he was just a year younger!.He never threw a tantrum,never made demands.
If even now,ma and dad press him a lot to tell them what he would like ,he mumbles and tries to wriggle out of the situation.

He is unique this brother of mine.It takes a lot of patience to understand himand get close to him.I would like to believe I do know him.And I am close to him even if he doesn’t always say so.Our jokes,the jokes between the three of us that is..are well..quite the kind that we only understand..the kind that make mom go ewww…and dad laugh in amusement..
We have a language all our own.(Don’t all siblings?:))
No outsider can understand it.Not even mom and dad.
We blackmail each other like crazy.We have boxing fights.We scold,we rant,we push,we shove..and yet any threat and we are back together as one.

The youngest brother,the ‘baby’ of the family…that says enough on its own doesn’t it?
I and MB have pictures where both of us are holding a little baby who has tinyhands and feet,He is five years younger to me,four years younger to MB.
And so is it any wonder that YB has not one but two sets of parents?We pester him.We breathe down his neck.The poor fellow cant take a step without any of us not knowing about it.I and A look out for him.and now he is at an age where he hates it.:D
His Didi and Bhaiyya dont allow him to breathe he complains:D

He is a brat and he knows he is.:)
He revels in the knowledge.He always gets permissions to stay at places of friends.He is allowed to stay out late.he is also allowed late night parties.
Us?I and A were never allowed to have stay overs at places of friends.We were never allowed to get back home late.

A complains that I and YB are pampered..he is the poor soul neither here nor there.
I complain that A has always been able to do what he wants and I am always being told to be responsible.And that YB has been allowed to do all that I and A(MB) were never allowed to.
YB complains of being babied all the time..:)

Each one of us has a litany of complaints.:)however silly they might sound.

I now see how inspite of all things being equal(or so I think)each one of us..has very ,very different ways of looking at the same thing.

The same childhood incident will be remembered fondly by me,rather gloomily (where he was always discriminated against….whether real or in his mind..) by A and YB has no recollection whatsoever.

I do not hesitate to tell mom and dad if I want something or like something.

Not so the case with A(MB).He will never say what he likes or what he wants.No matter how much you try,he remains shut like a clam.

YB on the other hand literally demands things.No he is not a brat.But quite close to becoming one.He does not hesitate in spelling out exactly what he likes.And on top of that he has four adults to make those demands to.(you can imagine what financial windfalls he reaps)

I am close to my family.Very close.
Friends come a close second.

A(MB) is close to family but sometimes you might doubt his preference, so close his friendships are.
His alternate world consists of his friends.He has made a family of his friends

YB is a wandering soul.He cannot stay put in one place.He puts family and friends on an equal pedestal(or maybe he’s young right now)He is torn between both.

I am not a rebel.I want to be, but have never seen the need for it.

A is a quiet rebel.The kind who quietly does what he want without a soul getting to know of it.And by the time you do,he has already gone ahead and done his thing. The middle born traits?:)

A similarity between Dad and A…both joined the army to rebel against family…both wanted to prove a point.
Dad to his father ….…A to dad..
Don’t know what to call it.It just is.

The middle child does feel suffocated I now realize,they even have a word for it….’’The middle child syndrome’’..never paid much attention to it in my psychology classes….now I am re-reading it all.
The middle child even if by chance gets many things handed down.In our case thankfully this was not so.Because I couldn’t hand down frocks to him..:D..and mom and dad were aware of this middle child syndrome…Even so it is a rather tough job being a parent and striking a balance I suppose.

Sometimes it seemed like A was constantly struggling…to find his own niche in the family.A has always been an introvert.Thankfully now after going into the army,he has started opening up more.He can now converse with strangers too.Maybe because he has found his own place in the world.
A was on the verge of developing an inferiority complex…or maybe I am not putting it right…maybe it is more of an inability to assert oneself.
He has now changed and its a delightful one at that.

But as a kid,he felt sandwiched between an older sibling who was ‘responsible’ and a younger sibling who was the ‘baby’ of the family and hence the centre of attention.

He always had to fight to carve his own space,was always trying to search for his own identity.Or maybe the fight was in his own mind?I am not qualified to judge or comment.
I have never been in his shoes.The ones of a middle child.

Most of all I think ,he was trying to make dad see a lot of things.Even without realizing it ,he was proving a point to dad.
Dad is proud of this son of his…and very proud that he made something of himself…but he will never say it to A,I know that too.

This is the joke that we have among the three of us..🙂
a first born: OH i just got this GREAT new car!
a middle child: oh…i have to wait until my sister wrecks hers…then i can have that and they will get her a new one
Last child:I will get the latest model..

We laugh over it..
But its heartbreaking to realize just how many other children ,whether older younger or middle born go through so much heartache…convinced in their hearts that parents do not love them as much as the ‘other’.But all parents try so hard ,do they not?All parents strive hard to achieve that balance.I am glad mine did find it..:)

The Middle Child Syndrome
Tips for Helping Your Middle Child Cope and Thrive

Some studies have shown that children born in the middle display low self-esteem, have adjustment problems, often feel left out, and struggle with direction both in childhood, as well as later in life (© 2007 MSNBC Interactive). While this is not true of every middle child, because of birth order placement, middle children do tend to struggle with identity issues more so than oldest or youngest children. This can be associated with the fact that these children are neither the first born, nor are they “the baby” of the family; therefore, they may struggle more to find their place in the order of things.
Children who have strong sense of identity and once that is not related to their order of birth in the family, will have a better chance of avoiding the middle child syndrome

Middle Children: Finding Their Own Pride of Place

Oldest and youngest children can usually find reasons to be glad about their place in the family. Not so middle children. They often aren’t the biggest and strongest, they aren’t the babies who get away with murder, they aren’t really anything special, at least in their own minds. Sometimes they feel invisible.

But this uncomfortable feeling of not having a defined place in the family may actually turn out to be an advantage. Unlike first children, who often define success by their ability to meet their parents’ expectations, middle children are more prone to rebel against the status quo. This observation is the main point of a fascinating book, Born to Rebel: Birth Order, Family Dynamics, and Creative Lives, by Frank J. Sulloway. The book also argues that birth order–the middle position in particular–is one of the prime forces behind the scientific and social revolutions that drive history forward. I’d wager that most middle children had no idea that they were so important.

Though I do wonder now…what about families which are of our mom and dad’s generation?Where the children were more than two..even more than three….so what effect, known or unknown did all this have on them?With more than three children wouldnt it have been tough for the parents to strike a balance?

Would you like to know how my mom answers the question?:)
You know the one where we ask her(as do all children I am sure:D )as to which child of hers does she love the most?

She has this answer ready everytime..Smart woman ..my ma…:) (this is what I mentioned Solilo:)

A letter to my children

“Dear Firstborn,

“I’ve always loved you best because you were our first miracle. You were the genesis of a marriage and the fulfillment of young love.

“You sustained us through the hamburger years, the first apartment (furnished in Early Poverty), our first mode of transportation (1955 Feet), and the seven-inch TV we paid on for 36 months.

“You were new, had unused grandparents, and enough clothes for a set of triplets. You were the original model for a mom and dad who were trying to work the bugs out. You got the strained lamb, the open safety pins, and three-hour naps.

“You were the beginning.”

“Dear Middle Child,

“I’ve always loved you best because you drew a tough spot in the family and it made you stronger for it.

“You cried less, had more patience, wore faded hand-me-downs, and never in your life did anything first. But it only made you more special.

“You were the one we relaxed with, who helped us realize a dog could kiss you and you wouldn’t get sick. You could cross a street by yourself long before you were old enough to get married. And you helped us understand the world wouldn’t collapse if you went to bed with dirty feet.

“You were the child of our busy, ambitious years. Without you, we never could have survived the job changes and the tedium and routine that is marriage.”

“To the Baby,

“I’ve always loved you best because while endings are generally sad, you are such a joy.

“You readily accepted the milk-stained bibs, the lower bunk, the cracked baseball bat, the baby book that had nothing written in it except a recipe for graham cracker pie crust that someone had jammed between the pages.

“You are the one we held on to so tightly. You are the link with our past, a reason for tomorrow. You darken our hair, quicken our steps, square our shoulders, restore our vision, and give us a sense of humor that security, maturity, and durability can’t provide.

“When your hairline takes on the shape of Lake Erie and your own children tower over you, you will still be our baby.”

– A Mother

The author is unknown, but it was submitted by Barbara Wiltberger for the series ‘Chicken Soup for the Mother’s Soul’

This is the curve ma throws us from time to time..:D

Isnt she one heck of a mother?:)

41 Comments leave one →
  1. Sagarone permalink
    February 17, 2009 10:55 pm

    Great post, Indyeah. At times the first born is burdened with the task of living up to the parents expectations, till a second child comes along. By that time, the parents have gained experience and have found ways to do things better this time around. But still it is never too easy for anyone in the sibling hierarchy.

  2. hitch writer permalink
    February 17, 2009 11:37 pm

    I am the first born too in my family followed by twins.. so wont say we have a middle born in our family….

    At a certain point in life around 13-16 i did not like my brothers and felt they had more attention then me… but as years passed i saw that maybe I was the one who actually got more attention always.

    Even outside the immediate family all relatives were like me me and me not the younger two… its all a part of growin up i guess…

    but eventually we three ended up as three best friends… !!!

  3. Balvinder Singh permalink
    February 18, 2009 12:12 am

    Abhilasha, lovely account of recall of your memories of childhood and sibling love and fights and black mailing and secret lingo.

    A similar post by a fellow blogger some time back had brought back memories of my mother’s peculiar habit of calling out the name of my eldest sister before actually pronouncing the name she wanted the attention of, out of four of us siblings. And i always got the impression that she loved her the most. After having grown up with that habit of my mom, i could only console myself with the thought that since she had already spent few years, calling our eldest sister’s name, before the rest of us blokes arrived in this world as well in her in her life, so she was more habituated to calling the eldest one’s name first (:-})

  4. Sashu... permalink
    February 18, 2009 12:30 am

    awesome post!! i jz couldn’t not comment here, after readin it… am de first born too! but here itz juz the first born n de baby!!🙂 brought some wonderful wonderful memories!!

    thanks so much! feel like givin ya this HUGE huggggggggggg!!

    God bless!!!!!

  5. Vinod_Sharma permalink
    February 18, 2009 1:43 am

    Nicely written as always, Abhilasha. As Sagarone also says, the first born usually carries additional burdens and responsibilities, and the youngest one the least. The middle one is, well, in the middle and mostly thinks he/she’s got the rough end from both sides. Sometimes the benefit too.

    Because of what you write and the manner in which you respond,you must already be on the way to setting some kind of a record in giving and getting cyber-hugs!

  6. Biju Mathews permalink
    February 18, 2009 3:12 am

    This was one very long post!! Excellent research work and enlightening in every aspect.

    Keep Blogging!

  7. Mavin permalink
    February 18, 2009 5:44 am

    Wow

    What a post!!

    That relationship between siblings is so unique. Now hot-now cold and yet the bond is so re-assuring.

    It is later in life when each has gone their way, memories of a happy childhood are surely very heart warming.

    Great Post – Keep it coming.

  8. Solilo permalink
    February 18, 2009 5:48 am

    Abhi, That was one heartfelt post. I read each and every line of your post twice. I could visualize A, Cheeku and you playing in the garden with you eating mitti and A going and complaining to your mom.

    At so many places it felt like my family’s story too. I had pangs of jealousy too seeing the new entrant but things were easier because parents always kept a balance. I was closer to dad because mom had a tiny tot to take care. Dad and my brother too have the kind of relationship which A and your dad has.

    “And A’s bond with ma is stronger than with any of us.”
    My brother is also most attached to mom.

    “.I and A even contributed ten rupees each to the ’cause’ LOL!!
    For years since then, I and A lived under the belief that YB had been brought with our twenty rupees…:D”

    Ha..ha..ha. This reminds me of my little peanut. She one day asked me if I can buy a sibling for her. I said sure and she gave me her piggy bank. Then she asks me if we can also return it the next day. I asked why and she says because she just wants a sibling for sometime to play. She was thinking of renting a sibling. LOL

    “.what about families which are of our mom and dad’s generation?Where the children were more than two..even more than three….so what effect, known or unknown did all this have on them?With more than three children wouldnt it have been tough for the parents to strike a balance?”

    Times were different and I think it was impossible for parents of that generation to be balanced. Many kids grew up with grandparents then. Also in joint families back then many people took responsibilities. I would say that with advent of nuclear families the bond between parents and children has grown stronger.

    “Children have their own ways to cope and their own ways of dealing with things..
    But yes, sensible and thoughtful parents as mine were can make the transition smoother and more joyous. To never ever differentiate between children even in the slightest manner…is a tightrope few parents can walk.”

    Very well said. Lucky are the children where parents can do that balancing act. Many families can’t.

    You read and researched on Middle child syndrome! So considerate. Usha must be happy to read. She is a sandwich in her own words.

    That letter from a mother to her 3 children shows how impartial parents are. Well! Most parents.

  9. Ajit permalink
    February 18, 2009 7:06 am

    good article Indyeah!!!
    I am the first born and it is a pain🙂 LOL
    have to be responsible and all that shit🙂 which I am not….

    my younger sister has it easy… she had more leeway in doing stuff because she was the younger one.. especially when it came to studies….
    we are poles apart in character but we love each other…🙂 and , my parents were great, to let us do what we want!!!
    and we did not face the middle child syndrome🙂 LOL
    great read INdyeah

  10. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 7:26 am

    Sagarone:-Thanks:)
    completely agree …the first born is pampered yes…but the responsibility is always there…and the expectations are huge to say the least..

    yes,as you so rightly say its never easy for anyone in the sibling hiearchy..each one is struggling with his onw place..:)

  11. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 7:39 am

    Dhiren:-:)thats so cute..:)yes,I remember you saying that your younger brotehrs were twins…kind of puts a completely different perspective to it doesn’t it?:)
    ”Even outside the immediate family all relatives were like me me and me not the younger two… its all a part of growin up i guess… ”
    lolYou bet!specially when you were the pampered one..
    I am glad you three are best friends..:)I think despite all the complaints all siblings who have been brought up in a well balanced manner become great plas later..:)hats off to your mom!:)

    @Balvinder Sir:-I can totally understand where you are coming from….well..to a certain extent…coz my grandma used to do this with her children when dad was a kid.(my uncles and aunts tell me )….like you said,I too think more than anything else it was a habit I suppose…the eldst kid’s name must have gotten stuck in her mind..:)
    and I am sure that calling your sister’s name did not put make rest of her children any less loved…:)..a mother loves them all equally..though I know that kids always fel otherwise…even me..:)at times..

  12. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 7:43 am

    Sashu:-:)thank you…:)aww…the only kid?heh!heh!lucky you on so many levels…first born and the baby…and a tad difficult I suppose at times with expectations..:)but looking at how you turned out..I can only smile and say hats off to your parents..:)
    ((hugs)) to you too:)bear hugs as Winnie says..:D

  13. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 7:57 am

    Vinod Sir:-awww…in that ‘as always’ is a huge compliment:)thank you..:)
    yes,that is so true..first born woth all the responsibilities and living upto ‘it’and baby of the family gets away with anything..:)middle born is the sandwich as Usha says..:)and yet that has its benefits too as you say so rightly..:):D@the virtual hugs..:)Thank you sir…two compliments ..:)aww..thank you…so much..
    PS:-which one were you sir?:D

  14. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 8:00 am

    Biju Mathews:-Thank you..and err..calling it long is an understatement..:D..thank you for all the words..:)

    Mavin:-Thank you so much Sir..:)
    yes,the bond despite everything is so reassuring..:)

    ”It is later in life when each has gone their way, memories of a happy childhood are surely very heart warming.”
    so.so true..now we can look back and laugh over silly things which had seemed so important at the time..:)

  15. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 8:09 am

    Solilo:-aww…((hugs))why?the hugs that is?coz you write such long comments if only to reassure me that you are reading them so closely…I know!I know !you do read it…but the long comments make me smile like a loon..:)((hugs))thank you so much..:)

    awww…we both have similarities no?and yes,I odnt know what it is with sons and fathers and the need to be the silent kinds as they grow up…*sigh*will never understand I suppose…

    ”Ha..ha..ha. This reminds me of my little peanut. She one day asked me if I can buy a sibling for her. I said sure and she gave me her piggy bank. Then she asks me if we can also return it the next day. I asked why and she says because she just wants a sibling for sometime to play. She was thinking of renting a sibling. LOL”
    LOL!!this is so darn cute!!and with a name like peanut that you have given her here..its not hard to imagine as well..:)give her a huge warm bear hug from me..:)

    ”Times were different and I think it was impossible for parents of that generation to be balanced. Many kids grew up with grandparents then. Also in joint families back then many people took responsibilities. I would say that with advent of nuclear families the bond between parents and children has grown stronger.”
    so so true..coz even with so many siblings in that generation I see all the uncles and aunts and buas and chachas and mamas and mausis…and they all are such well balanced individuals really…so I suppose parents of that generation did do a good job of bringing them up..:)
    thoguh like you said not in every case..
    loved your comment Solilo:)
    and loved Peanut’s story the most…Muaah!to Peanut:)

  16. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 8:14 am

    Ajit:-:)heh!heh!Why am I not surprised?:Pa first born like me..and yeah it is a pain at times..:D..specially when the responsibility lecture is being given:D

    ”my younger sister has it easy… she had more leeway in doing stuff because she was the younger one.. especially when it came to studies….”
    tell me about it..:)..it was studies for me..and masti for YB..the baby..:D

    yeah the bond is beautiful despite it allisnt it?:)
    a lucky sister to have you as a big bro..:)

    *yeah this is one of those arre senti moments I will let you enjoy*:P

    thank you..:)so much..:)
    lol@middle child syndrome..*sigh*it is tough for the MC..

    thanks for all your words..Ajit aka OG!:D

  17. February 18, 2009 8:20 am

    A Nice Post🙂
    No middle child in our family but I guess if the middle one is a sister sandwiched between bros, or a bro between 2 sisters, its much easier for them to carve a niche for themselves in the family dynamics…Also the middle ones have the advantage of understanding the perspective of the older sibling and the younger sibling.. so they tend to be more balanced.

  18. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 8:50 am

    N:-thanks:)
    and hey!thats a great new way to look at it..I mean yes, the gender to an extent would also matter, as also how balanced the parents are and how the MC takes it…hmmm..really pertinent points N:)

    yes,in my case A had a brother on one side..and me,a sis who competed equally…no girl equation came into the picture…
    so it was like having two brotehrs..or simply two siblings…
    yes..can see how hard it is for a Middle child..also dpened on how he/she adapts to it I suppose..
    thanks for sharing N!:)

  19. Winnie the poohi permalink
    February 18, 2009 11:21 am

    I had read this post in the morning itself but waited to comment on it at length😀 I am the youngest one.. and yet.. I can relate to your brother somehow.. but I am not quiet like him.. I am garrulous😀

    But not demanding.. being a quiet rebel.. ah I have done that been there.. but being the youngest I am brazen too.. Like if I get caught… I coolly say.. you wouldnt have let me do that if I asked… I dont mind being scolded.. as long as I get my way😀

    Oh yeah my sister is pampered😀 And hand me downs are such pain in the ass! bah!

    Anyhow nice touching write.. I like the way you have written about your brother with kindness..
    And sensitivity.

    The warmth and love shines through strong🙂

    Lovely post!

  20. Ajit permalink
    February 18, 2009 3:16 pm

    hey Indyeah aka Mam,
    “a lucky sister to have you as a big bro..:)”
    —–
    I dont think she would agree🙂 LOL
    she thinks I am very boring…🙂

  21. Ajit permalink
    February 18, 2009 3:17 pm

    and why are you not surprised that I was the first born????

  22. That Subtle Something... permalink
    February 18, 2009 4:17 pm

    Hey Indeah! I have misplaced my comments yesterday!🙂 It should have been placed here. loved this post a lot.
    Me being the first child and also pampered a lot, could identify myself with you in a lot of places. Not only in this post, but in many of your other posts, i could identify myself with you.
    Since I am not able to pour it out like you, I am finding pleasure in reading yours and enjoying it. (hugs) :):)

  23. Monika permalink
    February 18, 2009 6:21 pm

    i am the first born too with two younger sisters and i was like nodding all thru ur post…some part of the post brought back so many memories..

    well done post

  24. vishesh permalink
    February 18, 2009 6:29 pm

    lol in my house its just me and my sis…and there is six years gap..I had a lot of pampering I guess…but true enough,she gets to go for sleep overs etc,when I wasn’t allowed😛 I have always seen her as someone to protect😛

  25. oorjas permalink
    February 18, 2009 6:54 pm

    i am the first born too.. with a younger bro. just the two of us so i m the first born he the baby no middle child syndrome for us thankfully..

    the article took me home.. years back.. we too hava a language of our own.. but we can’t talk on phone.. (he just says hi and then he passes it to mom who has loads to say).. i don’t know why.. but when we sit together hours go by unnoticed..

    nice n emotional..🙂

  26. kanaguonline permalink
    February 18, 2009 7:17 pm

    Very nice post… and verrry long one… I am the first one in my family but never observed my bro like this… Maybe let me start observing him.

    /*His Didi and Bhaiyya dont allow him to breathe he complains*/
    LOL… give some space for him🙂

  27. hitch writer permalink
    February 18, 2009 8:53 pm

    did i mention, heart warming post…

    Trust you to come up with write ups with which every one can relate… !!

  28. Rakesh permalink
    February 18, 2009 9:55 pm

    Wow Indyeah, First, I managed to read this on the comments page on white background and am glad that I did it.

    Though I’ve just 1 brother (elder), I could relate to a lot of things in the post, especially the effort by parents to prove we are equal.

    My mom always replied to the question – who’s your favourite by “how can i differentiate between my both eyes”. I dunno what moms with three kids would say.🙂

    I guess, most parents do get it right in the end…

    Cheers!

  29. Chirag permalink
    February 18, 2009 10:19 pm

    Indyeah, LOL I am a first born. Well you know…but the good thing is me and my brother are so different and so same. But we have a lot of fun🙂

  30. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 10:57 pm

    Winnie:aww…thanks…:)…
    garrulous eh?:D..
    a quiet rebel and brazen?lol such a bundle of contradictions..:):)
    ”I dont mind being scolded.. as long as I get my way :D”oh!I am having such a laugh reading this…winnie..dear winnie…you are pampered and loved I can make that out..:))
    even if you think hand me downs are a pain..:D

    thank you for all the words…:)((hugs)))

    Ajit:-believe me she does agree in her heart though you would be the last person she tells it to..:P

    and eldest coz I dont know…I just saw the responsible tine shine through at times I guess…never really thought about it as such…just knew..:D

  31. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 11:00 pm

    That subtle somthing:-((hugs))I miss you when you are not around..:)

    lol at misplacing it..I kinda thought so;)

    ”Me being the first child and also pampered a lot, could identify myself with you in a lot of places. Not only in this post, but in many of your other posts, i could identify myself with you. ”
    aww…that is so cute…warm warm ((hugs))
    You can write…you jut dont:P..please write no?pls..:))

  32. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 11:29 pm

    Monika:-thanks:)..you were nodding at come parts..and that makes me happy that it spoke to you somewhere…thanks!:)

    Vishesh:-oh the first born too?:D..
    ”she gets to go for sleep overs etc,when I wasn’t allowed😛 ”
    oh this is such a sore point with me till now..:D

    awww…yes,younger siblings..one automatically becomes protective..:)
    though pssst…dont tell anyone but being the eldest has its own benefits not to mention the pampering that comes with it..:D

  33. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 11:41 pm

    Oorja:-:)Thanks..:)glad to hear of a nostalgic trip..it makes me smile..:)
    yes,all siblings have their ‘own ‘ language dont they?:)

    the middle child syndrome is rather difficult…

    brothers are very much the silent types…not always though:)..*sigh*but dont know why they are..
    thanks for sharing Oorja!:)

  34. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 11:45 pm

    Kanagu:-lol!umm…long is an understatement I think..:D..
    😀 yeah observe your bro..:)you are the first born too?So many of us here!:))
    oh we do give him space..but what would siblings be tehre for if not to trouble him from time to time..and make his life hell?:D

    thanks for dropping in Kanagu!:))

    Dhiren:-aww..thank you so much..:))
    *grinning like a loon*

    😀

  35. Indyeah permalink
    February 18, 2009 11:51 pm

    Rakesh:-thank you so much..:))

    ” First, I managed to read this on the comments page on white background and am glad that I did it.”
    😀 thank you for reading it..:))

    yes,parents have such a tough job dont they?:)and yeah thats a great answer your mom gave..:))
    my ma either gave the example of her fingers..that is saari ungliyaan baraabar hoti hain or the letter as I posted..:))

    If I am not wrong dont you also have kids?:))how is that coming along?Do share your experiences on this..:))
    thanks :))

    Chirag:-another first born!!lets form a club!:D..you ,me ,soliloAjit,Dhiren,Kanagu,That Subtle something,and evryone who is one..:D

    yes…siblings are our best friends arent they?even if we spend the first part of our life trying to avoid them..I used to find my brotehrs very irritating..:D
    now of course I look back and laugh..:))

  36. Usha Pisharody permalink
    February 20, 2009 7:26 am

    Ok.. am late again, on a post I so wanted to write into, the first time I read it🙂 I’ve read it about three times,and I don’t want to cause any ripple, to the lovely flow of thoughts and feelings here.

    This is a very special one for me, becos, as you already know🙂 I’m the ham in the sandwich at home🙂 Lol. The middle-born’s nomenclature, for me🙂 Sometimes it’s like you say; very little attention, seemingly, as everyone seems to be preoccupied with a brilliant big brother, and a rather sickly [only when he was little] younger one. I had always been a sturdy little gal, and never fell ill or nything..🙂

    Another close connection [so what’s new, hmmm…?] is that there is only a year between my brother and me, and mom tells me that as an infant, I had to suffer a bit becos of my brother, lol. He’s even tried to pull me down from my bed, at a few weeks age..🙂 Later of course, we became good friends🙂 esp. after he went to the NDA, and suddenly discovered that sisters were precious🙂🙂

    My younger brother is someone I shall always have the softest corner for🙂 he’s the one closest to mummy, and daddy, well, is mine.. :D!! He knows, and senses what needs to be done, and just having him around, for whatever length of leave he has, is such a joy, a quiet joy for mom🙂

    I think a lot of your research on the middle born child are rather true; as in, they do try to be different,🙂 [moi, for eg :)], and they try to break the mould, and rebel..🙂 The elder kids seem to have a weight of expectation to carry around too.

    so, in the final analysis, well, I am happy being the ham..🙂 It’s the best part of a sandwich ain’t it?? :P!!

  37. Indyeah permalink
    February 20, 2009 6:29 pm

    Usha:-Oh!*delirious grins*
    why?I was waiting for you…I was..:))

    why a ripple?

    you are the one whose words these pages most anticipate and look forward to..:))a brilliant big borther… a younger one and sturdy ol you..:D..I am and have always been the ‘sturdy ol gal ‘ too:D..I never fell/fall sick….Oh woe!:(…no special attention given..:)

    justa year’s difference too?:))I knew the similarities are uncanny..:))
    lol@”he tried to pull me down from the bed..”.:D
    yeah all of us big borther sisters hatch conspiracies in the dead of night..on how to best dispose off our lil sisters and brothers..LOL!!

    heh!heh!realised your value did he?after NDA?:))aww….that is so darn cute..:))
    yes,the younger ones are such a joy yo be around…they are almost like our babies..and yet a brother..a delight…as you say..

    yes,the youngest I find are the most sensitive ones…they know just know without a word being spoken…
    you have said it so beautifully…yes…it is just that a joy,a quiet joy for mom too..:)))

    yes,I have seen the middle born are always different..they try to carve distinct identities of their own…they rebel too though pne would never know it I suppose..they have their own quiet ways of rebelling…but those rebellions are as powerfula s any other..I have found…:)

    the older ones have expectations galore..*sigh*that is true too…:)

    lol..yeah ham is the best part of a sandwich though first time I have ever heard it being put like that..:D:D

    thank you thank you so much..for all that you did..:)

    because while somewhere it was written for a brother most dear but somewhere this page was waiting for a friend to share …:))
    ((hugs)))

  38. June 10, 2009 1:41 am

    “I am close to my family.Very close.
    Friends come a close second.”

    You don’t have to say, your words expresses it so beautifully.

    Another favorite post. Revisiting🙂
    me- (((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))0
    muah🙂
    you know why🙂

  39. August 13, 2009 5:26 pm

    Read it earlier too, came back to comment🙂 Loved the post… I am a first born – I am the Good-Example, Home-work-before- playing, dinner-before-dessert child, even today my mother’s confidante🙂

    You do come across as a wise, self assured first born Abhi … and Middle borns do have a tough time, I have seen my sister resent it at times, and bask in it at other times🙂

  40. Happy Kitten permalink
    May 6, 2010 3:26 pm

    That was a sweet post on family and love… blood remains thicker than water.. no matter what..

    nd it is true that the oldest one takes on much responsiblity and shines better than the rest.. my sister did that and I am much proud of her…

    am the middle one. .wish I had known all this stuff when I was younger🙂 ..
    me- thanks HK. though you are being too kind..I re-read the post and what a confused ramble! oh boy!😀

    You are the middle one?:)
    Gentle and quiet, no fuss kind of a kid with an inherent sense of responsibility? Were you like this?:)
    That is how I have seen most middle ones:)
    As Ushus says the ham in the sandwich:)

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