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Heartprints….

June 20, 2009

“Some people come into our lives and quickly go…Some stay and make footprints on our hearts…And we are never, never the same.”~Author Unknown~

We meet many people in our life. Some of them just pass us by, some stay for a moment, some linger a little longer and some just leave footprints on our hearts as the beautiful quote goes.

The last category…. that is, people who leave footprints on our hearts are the hardest to find.These people are rare ….

For,they come into our life quietly and go as quietly and before we know it, they have left footprints on our heart.

But this is not about those people.

This is about people who are not content with merely passing by. Its about people who will stop not to leave footprints on your heart but rather to erase even any from before that have been left by others.

I have come across many such people in my line of work.People who have no business being anywhere near a child ,so mean they are.

How does one wipe away that hurt from a child’s eyes caused by a word spoken in carelessness? How do you reassure a child and make him/her believe that the world is not like this? How do you restore that fragile confidence that has been shattered in a heartbeat?

I have heard many people saying …no, proclaiming proudly to the world that they love kids.That they adore kids.

I disagree.(of course exceptions are there) I always have my doubts in these cases..Loving kids is NOT about fawning over them every two seconds and coochie cooing over how cute they look or how adorable they are.

Loving kids is not about telling them to draw a cloud that’s white and a sky that’s blue.

Why cant a cloud be purple and the sky green? Why do fishes have to swim in the water? How can you tell a child that fishes are not supposed to fly?

Even a one year old has brains enough (and the instincts) to know when someone is being fake.

Loving kids of any age is about letting them bloom like wild flowers growing in a forest.
You are not the gardener and you don’t have to make them perfect, or prune here, snip a little there, just so.

Children are not meant to be perfect.They are meant to be themselves .

Its about not interfering when they are about to make a decision. Even something that seems as small as selecting a pencil box.

Its about not interrupting when they talk because they need someone to listen and listen well.

Its about not solving problems for them.
Its about not dismissing what they say or joke about it.

Its about allowing them to argue because they need to test their ideas.

Please don’t make them shut up by throwing around terms like ‘respect’ and ‘maturity’ and ‘responsibility’.

If they don’t learn to argue and question, how will they move forward?
Argue respectfully and sensibly? Yes, for sure…but they do need to argue and debate.
Debate without turning petty or personal.

That they will learn on their own. But first let them share.

Or how will they overthrow the established order and discard dogmas?

They will learn.They are learning.
Just give them time. Time to fumble.Time to make mistakes. Time to learn from those mistakes..

All on their own.

Its about not making them feel guilty and not blaming them for all that they do.They are kids.They will learn on their own.Let them fall a few times and get up on their own.

Be there to hug them when they look around, their eyes searching for you.

And keep in mind that even a 16 year old is a kid.
I have about had it with colleagues who tell me that those in 11th or 12th are grown ups and should be responsible.

Responsible yes, they should be…but only to a certain extent..beyond that they are bound to make mistakes…and how can we treat them like grownups?

We have been through it all ourselves.
How can we not understand the heartache of a 15 year old when his/her friends ignore him/her?
How can we not understand that romance too is part of this growing up?
That they will grow out of this phase of ‘infatuation’ just as we did?
That deep inside, their hearts tremble in fear of the consequences of every step that they take?

Why this rant?
Because I believe ,I really believe that children who grow up with this basic confidence missing ,children who had their every step ,every action questioned are the adults of today who seek to only hurt.

The adults who cannot understand how or what friendship means.
The adults who are simply lost when it comes to love.It’s so hard for them to believe that there are people in the world waiting with open arms and a heart that’s full of love.
The ones who turn petty and mean and rant about things that they are unable to control.
In their world everyone else has something better than what they have. Always. Everytime.

The ones who don’t want anyone to break that cocoon that they have put themselves into.The ones who would rather stay in a shell always and forever.

Its heartbreaking to see.

The grownups who are supposed to be adults and yet hide a scared,frightened child deep inside.

And the one thing that these scared grownup ‘children’ do is lash out.
Lash out at all that they think is unfair in life.
Lash out and make others feel guilty.
Lash out with a caustic tongue and an acerbic wit.

Lash out and make sure that no one gets close to them.
Its hard for them to trust anyone and they have a circle of very close friends and sometimes not even that.

These adult ‘children’ are a product of that vicious circle.The circle that will stop only when they stop it.
The circle that will continue unabated if they keep strangers at a distance and refuse to have a dialogue with life.

‘Mean’ people the society calls them failing to realize that inside that mean person hides a very frightened child.

They are afraid because they were hurt once before and are scared that the pain will never stop.

The truth is that all of us have been hurt at some point in life.The degrees may vary but pain is an inevitable part of life.The degree may be really high for some.

But why is it that some come out of it seemingly intact while others carry the hurt around till their dying breath?

Lines from somewhere ….
The fact is that we’ve all been hurt, and we’re all wounded, but not all of us are mean. Why not? Because some people realize that their history of suffering can be a hero’s saga rather than a victim’s whine, depending on how they “write” it. The moment we begin tolerating meanness, in ourselves or others, we are using our authorial power in the service of wrongdoing. We have both the capacity and the obligation to do better.

Its a merry- go-round one where all of us are being mean to each other.You are mean to me,I will be mean to you…..you’ll be even more mean to me and I will be meaner to you too and so on..

Decide when you want to get off this merry- go-round.
And no ,the other person will not stop being mean.

You will.

Children live for the present.Why don’t you?

Live as if there’s no tomorrow and love unconditionally with no strings attached…

HEARTPRINTS
Whatever our hands touch-We leave fingerprints!
On walls, on furniture, on doorknobs, dishes, books.
There’s no escape.
As we touch we leave our identity.

Oh God, wherever I go today help me leave heart prints!
Heart prints of compassion, of understanding and love.
Heart prints of kindness, and genuine concern.
May my heart touch a lonely neighbor,
Or a runaway daughter,
Or an anxious mother,
Or perhaps an aged grandfather.

Lord, send me out today to leave heart prints.
And if someone should say “I felt your touch,”
May that one sense your love touching through me.

~Anonymous~

Whether one believes in God or not….but Humanity is something we can all believe in, cant we?🙂
This is why use your words with care.Your gestures with even more care.
For, sometimes they are all you have. And sometimes all that a stranger might have received the whole day.
———————————————–
Edited to add:- 22nd June 09
Here’s a beautiful post that I saw today and it made me smile and think about how so many souls think the same things. The world would be a beautiful place if only children were treated more lovingly.
Go here to read this post.

118 Comments leave one →
  1. craftyshines permalink
    June 20, 2009 11:54 pm

    WHAT RANK AM I INDY????????????????
    me-FIRST!!!! yipiiee!
    *waiting to see the cute warlike whoopie ross and monika dance *😀

  2. craftyshines permalink
    June 21, 2009 12:07 am

    heeeeeeee haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa INDY!!!!!

    dance we shall!!😀😀😀

    hitchu! get here soon!!!!

    • June 21, 2009 11:10 am

      here i come…… zoooooommmmmmmm

      whew….. all this dancing is going to get my 4 packs into 8 packs. !!!!!!!!!!:mrgreen:
      me-you both na!😀
      Indy goes off shaking her head*

  3. June 21, 2009 12:25 am

    me second!!!!!!!!!!!!
    me-😀 yeah you are!

  4. June 21, 2009 12:33 am

    classic indy girl….. atta-girl!!!!
    me-thanks OG🙂
    It is a proven fact that ‘adults’ who have had unhealthy childhoods are the ones who are likely to indulge in such actions….

    and I mean percentage wise…………

    very rightly said, when you say that it is a vicious cycle and will stop when people stop indulging in such activities…..
    me- though mean and petty people can come from perfectly healthy families too but its usually the ones who have been hurt too much those who are emotionally vulnerable and sometimes seek to hurt..

    I very very strongly believe in this line:
    “Whether one believes in God or not….but Humanity is something we can all believe in, cant we…..”

    I have a few things in my mind which I wanna do when the time is right…. will not talk about them until I do it…..😛

    me- I am curious🙂
    all the very best
    though I remember a previous conversation long back and I think I know what it is🙂

    anyways, indy girl, classic article…seriously….

    no leg pulling this time😛
    me- Thanks OG🙂
    *baffled at how nice OG can be *😀😛

  5. June 21, 2009 12:37 am

    A post of very passionate words, like always.

    “Decide when you want to get off this merry- go-round.
    And no ,the other person will not stop being mean.

    You will.”
    Agree with you whole heartedly on this.
    me-thanks 🙂

  6. June 21, 2009 1:18 am

    A close second!😀
    me-😀
    sho cute🙂

    • June 21, 2009 11:13 am

      yea yea… you second… hee hee..

      • June 21, 2009 3:47 pm

        😦
        me-awww

        • June 21, 2009 3:59 pm

          Oh… when I came, only crafty’s comment was there. So in my eyes I am second….Please please lemme be second, no?😦
          me- yes yes you are!
          let anyone say otherwise!😀
          (((hugs)))

  7. June 21, 2009 1:45 am

    such hurtful adults require therapy. it is not easy for emotional abuses to ‘just’ go away or pretend that it does not exist. it is manifested in attitudes and behavior.
    me- yes, they really do need therapy…
    hurts cant magically disappear..

    But what hurts An is when people who have been emotionally hurt seek to hurt others too..specially when they are teachers in schools..
    Imagine so many young minds at the mercy of one hurt soul who might bruise them ..perhaps forever?
    we have a very lousy way of selecting teachers…anyone can become a teacher and thats so wrong…to become a teacher we should have some strong psychological tests or something before we are certified fit to be among young minds..

    middle kids face the brunt of it so does girls who are rejected by their father
    me- I completely agree An….
    and the middle kid syndrome is something I have seen for myself..
    ((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
    for all thats left unsaid..I know..and I will leave it at that..

    • June 22, 2009 8:17 am

      teachers hurting — you bet i agree. i like the idea of ‘ psychological tests ‘ education – infact i don’t know if there is a blog called “rethinking the educational system of India”. it would be wonderful. we could dissect curriculum by curriculum grade by grade , and so much more.

      i salute you indyeah —

      the middle kid story is long lost story.
      me- thats a great idea An🙂
      Will try to work on it ..lets see…
      (((hugs))))
      I have seen exactly what being a middle child means..though I have not experienced it personally..but have seen it first hand..

  8. June 21, 2009 2:01 am

    Indyeah is back with her style of posts (read:long)😛
    wonderful thoughts and poem.
    me- what??
    Reema you too ?😀
    nahinn!!keh do ki ye jhooth hai!!😛
    ((hugs))
    wonderful thoughts and poem?😀
    Indy is happiee🙂

  9. June 21, 2009 3:31 am

    Very very true!! We so often witness this with parents who want their children to excel in everything, just to prove everyone in their social circle that their child is better than others. And how the children succumb to this pressure created by their parents!!!
    me- exactly! this my child has to be better than theirs is exactly what our problem is..

    And really loved the lines you picked up from somewhere :
    “The fact is that we’ve all been hurt, and we’re all wounded, but not all of us are mean. Why not? Because some people realize that their history of suffering can be a hero’s saga rather than a victim’s whine, depending on how they “write” it. The moment we begin tolerating meanness, in ourselves or others, we are using our authorial power in the service of wrongdoing. We have both the capacity and the obligation to do better.”

    Good One.😀
    me- thanks🙂

  10. June 21, 2009 3:35 am

    ….taare zameen par….

    inko na sataanaa
    warna yeh jhilmilana bhul jaayenge
    me- thats so true Chiranjib and beautifully expressed too..thanks ..

  11. Dev permalink
    June 21, 2009 3:41 am

    A rant it was…but a good one. Yes, people have problems…most of them at least..and yes, childhood and adolescence years contribute/responsible for many of those problems. As we go through life, real smartness is in identifying these troubled souls and dealing with them appropriately, without changing oneself in the process.
    me- yes..very true Dev..
    its always better to identify the problem and search for ways to sort it out…

    There is something that two friends who are very dear once told me..
    ”Before healing others , heal yourself first..”

    I ache for adults who have had to deal with hurt and anger..but I ache even more when I see the same adults lashing out at kids who are vulnerable..
    in such situations it becomes hard to be objective😦

  12. June 21, 2009 3:49 am

    /*We have been through it all ourselves.
    How can we not understand the heartache of a 15 year old when his/her friends ignore him/her?*/

    Very rightly said Indyeah.. I am not at all understanding the behaviour of adults when they see a child.. they have been through it.. they have seen their friends but still couldn’t handle those kids.. *SIGH*

    me- absolutely Kanagu..when they have been through it themselves isn’t it a better idea to ensure that no other children go through what they went through?😦
    And very beautifully written Indyeah🙂 And I really loved the last poem🙂
    me-thanks Kanagu🙂

    PS: Kanagu.. Please escape from this space before any quizzes…😛😛
    Indyeah seems to be not here.. maybe nusy preparing the ques paper😛😛

    me- LOL!!😛😛
    Indyeah has taken pity on Kanagu😀 and has spared him for the moment😛

    • June 21, 2009 5:13 pm

      Indy has become so generous and let me off from quiz..😀
      me- dont be too sure :mrgreen:you never know what I am thinking of next👿

  13. June 21, 2009 6:01 am

    I so adore this post and to be frank, my respect for you has doubled.
    me-thank you Vimmuuu.

    It must be because I can relate to this post in some way or the other. I had a horrible childhood,( not that I had bad parents), but I was ridiculed by friends with harsh words till I was 15 or 16 for something that I wasn’t responsible for. I had no good friends on whom I could depend on. because of the ridicule, I never played with my friends, keeping me totally away from sports. I just couldn’t face people, infact I was afraid to. Now what could a kid do other than cry and weep at situations when he feels all alone, left out, dejected and ignored. I totally went into myself, I became my own best friend and was a total insecure and an introvert person. I didnt let my folks know what I was going through and they thought I am weird and not presentable at all. I cared only for myself and started becoming selfish. If nobody cares for me, why should I care for others was what I thought. and whatever talent I had, I was never encouraged too; be it at home (except for mom) or at school. I wanted to learn music and till date havnt been able to. It seems my dad thought I would spoil my studies with all those music classes. LOL. I knew what was going wrong in me and decided to correct it myself. To be honest, I never thought I would be the way I am today. All it took me was to realize what and where my actual potential is. I had no specific goal or determination, I just had one thing in mind, to come out of the so-called shell that I created myself and make heads turn. Today, people would laugh if I told them that I was once an introvert and found it difficult to face people😀
    me- Thank you for sharing Vimmuuu..you would be surprised at how similar my story is to yours….how I too made up my mind that enough was enough and decided to sort out my own troubled life..

    as you said our parents were not bad…but they cant be forever with us in school and at other places na?

    I am really proud of the person you are today after reading all that you have shared… ((((hugs))))
    music was your balm and it healed you🙂
    and look at you today😀
    singing away to glory😀
    the breaking of the shell..thats the hardest na?
    I am darn glad you did🙂

    I strongly second you, children shouldn’t be made to listen to harsh comments, their talents should be encouraged, and most importantly, let them be what they want to be!
    me- harsh comments kill something inside….don’t they?
    let them be what they want to be!
    amen!

    Phew, that was one helluva confession, wasnt it? Sorry for making it this long. I guess I am getting used to long posts and comments now. i just published my longest one😉
    me- I wont even look at the sorry 😛 ..because this was a catharsis for me too🙂
    I am coming right over to check the longest post (that ought to be a sight to see😛 )

    ————————————————————-
    PS:-heres a cheer and a prayer that you get your heart’s desire🙂
    you will learn music one day-

    • June 21, 2009 9:00 pm

      Hey Vimmuuu, just read up on what u wrote….hugs man!!!
      i totally had the childhood u wrote of too… didn’t have a single good friend in school till much later…had shifted from a Hindi medium in 3rd std n didn’t know english too well, i used to have my eyes filled up every morning while getting dressed to go to school…

      i relived my childhood when i read your accout of it vimmuuu, all of it…no friends, no support at home, introverted, selfish and totally lacking self confidence! i cud never have a conversation with anyone….

      and even the bit where u wrote of how u decided to change that forever! kudos!!! this happened for me after my 10 boards….i think i developed humour as my defense mechanism, and also as my respite to assure myself that i can be liked by people…
      me-(((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))
      you are like sun shine here🙂
      you know that na?
      bas!thats all I have to say🙂 co you know how special you are🙂

      crafty has a confession for vimmuuu:
      i read your comments! yes, coz they r too much fun!!and now to know this about u gives makes me respect you more, coz u took a positive learning and u bring smiles to so many ppl! even those u don’t know (did i tell u i read ur comments??)😀

      way to go vimmuuu! so so proud of u!!!

      erm, second confession:
      i crossed-checked the spelling for ur name thrice, just to make sure….😛

      hugs!!

    • Solilo permalink
      June 22, 2009 12:32 am

      Vimmu, {{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}

      I think everyone gets hurt at one point or the other but it is important for us to know that no one is worth hurting our self and come out of it. You have done it and turned out to be a wonderful, cheerful and talented man.

      There are couple of incidents where I too withdrew to a shell but soon realized my mistake and made a huge change in myself which was beyond anybody’s recognition. One thing I always stress is taking parents into confidence. Parents need to understand how difficult it is to be a teenager esp. in big cities. Something I have vowed to keep an eye on.

      Once again…Vimmu, So proud of you and thanks to Abhi for this wonderful post.

      • June 22, 2009 11:24 am

        Awww you threee…*Vimmuuu returns the hugggsss to all three at the same time*….thanks a lot! I believe all of us are in the same boat, rather cruise !!….No wonder, we all ended up blogging😀😀😀😀
        me- (((((hugss))back🙂

        • June 22, 2009 8:14 pm

          Vimmuuu, Hugs to you for that comment.. You know, someone very close to me has gone through a similar childhood.. In his case, it was not friends – but the Dad who was always pciking fault and lashing out at the children.. This person grew up with zero confidence and it was just accidental that he came to his own – before it was too late..

          Hugs to you for being so brave and so cheerful despite all that.. I am so proud of you and to know you!!

    • June 22, 2009 7:02 am

      ROFL, I was away for a weekend, and so many people have so many confessions here😛
      anyways….. good that everyone is back to “normal” now😛
      me-😛😛😛
      Wonders if OG would qualify as ‘normal’
      hmmmm*thinking about it for like…2 seconds..*
      NOPE!!:mrgreen:

      • June 22, 2009 9:53 pm

        What!!!!! I am not normal?????
        how is that possible? and I thought I was a level headed sane person😛
        me- level headed sane person?
        sez who? err besides you ofcourse😀

    • June 22, 2009 4:40 pm

      APPLAUSE VIMMU ..there are many in the club with you ..include me too

    • June 22, 2009 4:47 pm

      Never thought Vimmuuu had this side to him !!

      God bless dude !

  14. June 21, 2009 6:09 am

    and yeah, one more quote to second the final statement of yours, ” It is nice to be important, but it is always more important to be nice ”🙂
    me- ABSOLUTELY!!
    Which is why I think you laugh so much and make others laugh right along..

    there’s always a story..or maybe many stories behind the smiles we see….people forget that the ones who smile the most and make otehrs smile too were not born happy..it was a choice they made🙂
    (((hugs))))))

  15. June 21, 2009 6:52 am

    Me third!!!!!!!!😀😀

    LOL!!!
    me- Third?😀
    okay Everyone get aside ! Pixie says she is third so third she is!😀

    I agree, with what you have written – we need to stop being so mean minded and start living for the present.
    Saying mean things or wishing them upon others never helped anyone.
    And yes, children are special. Some people get some weird twisted pleasure by making a child cry… such people should be banned.
    me- Absolutely🙂
    I knew you would agree Pixie🙂
    even your screen name is so very cute and happy🙂
    those who hurt children are the worst sort of monsters ..

  16. June 21, 2009 8:35 am

    Loving kids is not about telling them to draw a cloud that’s white and a sky that’s blue.

    Why cant a cloud be purple and the sky green? Why do fishes have to swim in the water? How can you tell a child that fishes are not supposed to fly?

    Even a one year old has brains enough (and the instincts) to know when someone is being fake.

    Loving kids of any age is about letting them bloom like wild flowers growing in a forest.
    You are not the gardener and you don’t have to make them perfect, or prune here, snip a little there, just so.

    Children are not meant to be perfect.They are meant to be themselves .

    You go girl. You know..you are the perfect teacher. Knowing you..I would want Peanut to have a teacher just like you her whole life.
    me- (((hugs))))
    Peanut is blessed to have such amazing mamma and dadda too🙂 Peanut’s teacher? Abhi maasi will JUMP at the chance😀

    I wish every teacher in India thought like you and every parent too. I have come across many Indians here who keep criticizing the school system here and praise the Indian system and I just smile for I don’t find any fault and actually prefer this one.
    me- I know ..😦 they dont..
    sometimes I think that human beings suck..!😦
    that school system is anyday better than what we have here Solilo..believe me I know..except for certain schools that I can count on my fingers..all the others are the same..factories churning out ‘products’

    I just think to myself that people need to open their eyes and change the ‘follower’ mentality. They are so spoon fed that they don’t know how to teach their child to be responsible. To let them learn by observing that the sky is Blue and White instead they tell them.
    me- absolutely!
    this spoon feeding does us in..
    Children will learn on their own na?the why this need to’tell’ them what to do?

    That is why at work I see many who does their work very well only if they are given instructions. I never see them doing anything by themselves except for the mighty talks about how India is so great and how they are so intelligent. We don’t need talks but prove by actions. Let the children be children.
    me- exactly!!
    rote learning is the only way they know..critical thinking goes for a toss…and its all our fault..an the crappy education system we have..

    Because I believe ,I really believe that children who grow up with this basic confidence missing ,children who had their every step ,every action questioned are the adults of today who seek to only hurt.

    The adults who cannot understand how or what friendship means.
    The adults who are simply lost when it comes to love.It’s so hard for them to believe that there are people in the world waiting with open arms and a heart that’s full of love.

    You are right again. We have discussed it before too. When I see so many whining, sad, envious people around, and if you follow them for a bit, you will know from where they are coming from. So much guilt, so much fear. It is sad. It reflects through out life. Sadly it passes to next generation.

    me- yes, this is what we were discussing na?
    so much of insecurity and envy?why??

    its sad and heartbreaking to see…and yes you are absolutely right..unless people heal themselves first all the same fears and guilt will get passed on to the next generation…

    A healthy home is a must and healthy home doesn’t even need two parents. We stress so much on parents being together and our society is so conditioned that way that many children are subjected to seeing two unhappy, quarreling parents under the roof. What kind of parenting can they provide other than an unhappy home with scared children?

    Even single parent can give good upbringing. I have seen much brighter and confident children from single parent homes where the parent was responsible and strong.
    me- ABSOLUTELY!!!
    even one parent can do a FAR FAR better job than what two parents will do in a lifetime!
    strong , responsible , mature, sensible parents raise strong, sensible, mature, responsible kids,….

    Hope people are more aware of what parenting and upbringing can do to their child.
    me-amen!

    Did I tell you Abhi, that I love your long posts.🙂
    me- Did I tell you that you are the only one who listens to my crazy ,halfbaked ideas? and a few rants😀🙂
    ((hugs))
    ((hugs))my darling friend🙂

    • June 21, 2009 6:10 pm

      No, we do too! Abhi (see, I got your name!)…I love your long blogs too, so much thought into one, so much effort!
      me-awww(((((((((((hugs)))))))))
      that is so sweet of you Sindhu :))
      muah!🙂

    • Solilo permalink
      June 22, 2009 12:39 am

      Crazy? Half baked?! You silly-billy.

      This is one of the BEST posts ever. I hope every parent takes a print out and reminds themselves time and again that they need to teach their children to be responsible for their own actions and to learn from their mistakes by supporting them always.

      Parents should realize that children are not means to fulfill their unfufilled dreams but let children have their own and achieve their own dreams. It is time to stop the spoon-feeding/follower mentality and teach them to take control of situations.

      To parents: Please don’t make your personality clones in children. Let them get it from your genes and rest they will create new ones.🙂
      me-THANK YOU!😀
      muah!
      ((hugs)))
      Parents should realize that children are not means to fulfill their unfufilled dreams but let children have their own and achieve their own dreams.
      beautifully said Solilo!
      reminded me of lines by Kahlil Gibran…
      Your children are not your children.
      They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
      They come through you but not from you,
      And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

      You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
      For they have their own thoughts.
      You may house their bodies but not their souls,
      For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
      which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
      You may strive to be like them,
      but seek not to make them like you.
      For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

      You are the bows from which your children
      as living arrows are sent forth.
      The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
      and He bends you with His might
      that His arrows may go swift and far.
      Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
      For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
      so He loves also the bow that is stable.

      I am damn glad that Peanut has a very smart and wise mamma🙂

      I LOVED the last lines:)
      To parents: Please don’t make your personality clones in children. Let them get it from your genes and rest they will create new ones.🙂

      • June 22, 2009 8:18 pm

        Yes Solilo – This is so important – ‘To parents: Please don’t make your personality clones in children. Let them get it from your genes and rest they will create new ones.’

        I just wish so many parents understood that.. That children are not the vehicle for their dreams – that they can dream for themselves..
        me-I loved those lines too🙂

    • June 22, 2009 8:22 am

      i know parents doing the artwork for children because there’s should be best !

      and in india it is very common. i had kids parents doing science projects for them and bagging the first prize. i felt so betrayed !
      me- thats is SO true An!
      This used to happen when I was a kid and now I see it when I am a teacher..
      WHy do parents do all that work for their kids?kids are supposed to be doing it na?
      the betrayal?😦
      totally understood it An😦

  17. June 21, 2009 9:03 am

    Oh, Indyeah..I am now wondering if I have been cutting in my remarks to my kids…no, I guess!
    But what you said is so right,”The grownups who are supposed to be adults and yet hide a scared,frightened child deep inside….
    So right!
    me- nah!you could never be like that🙂
    all those posts about your two darlings tell me more about the love you share with them than anything else ever could🙂

    I have come across such grownups…some decide to heal themselves ..some decide to lash out and hurt others…..

    • June 21, 2009 6:07 pm

      I know, I have seen many and this happens when there is comparisons and competitions! I think we all have to find happiness in our brood, they might not be perfect but they are perfect for you!
      me- we all have to find happiness in our brood, they might not be perfect but they are perfect for you!
      yes!
      it can be our brood or sometimes our friends or sometimes even complete strangers:)
      we all find some people at times when we least expect them…they are our guardian angels I think:)
      (((hugs)))

  18. June 21, 2009 10:30 am

    Abhilasha is back with a powerful, emotional post which has emerged out of an understanding of hurt that has not singed the heart, and a rage that there are so many people out there who refuse to grow up or cannot get out of the vicious cycle that meanness has got them into.
    me- thank you sir ….it is from personal experience as a kid and now that I am a teacher too….its uncanny how all ‘adults’ who seek to hurt are EXACTLY the same underneath with the same wounds and the same hurt..
    the worst thing is that noone can help them unless they decide to take charge of their lives..and it s a long process….

    Your students, even friends, no matter what their age, have something o learn from you.

    me- thank you so much Sir..I am still learning everyday..I have made too many mistakes….and try to learn from them…
    PS. Congrats for not making us take that trip to Vaishno Devi even this time!
    me-😆
    *ahem* Vaishno Devi??? *feigns amnesia*😀

  19. June 21, 2009 11:17 am

    i just remembered a friend of mine after reading this post .. he is a child in adult body .. and that makes him so good !! coz he still remembers to enjoy and love like kids !! nice post indy !!
    me- what a lucky guy!!to have the child in him alive and kicking!😀
    I really like such people🙂
    thanks Prats

  20. June 21, 2009 12:05 pm

    This is a wonderful post….

    Will be back to comment..
    me-🙂

    • June 22, 2009 10:21 am

      Loving kids is not about telling them to draw a cloud that’s white and a sky that’s blue.

      Yes… That is so true… it is so complex as I learn it… the real test is when they are not being obedient or become stubborn… thats when the real test of a parent starts… I used to hate kids till I had one.. !!

      Children are not meant to be perfect.They are meant to be themselves .

      Yes… so very true… If they wont do masti and disobey who will !! lol… this is my standard line to my wife…

      I firmly also believe that if we get angry on kids its us who lost patience… not their fault… !!
      me- that is absolutely right DHiren! you know tehre is a quote that I heard while doing my B.Ed..
      there are no ‘problem students’ only ‘problem teachers’.I want to add..there are no’ problem children’ only ‘problem parents/teachers/adults

      This is a very very beautiful beautiful post and each line is a post in itself… ABhi.. you have written many posts in this one post… I have too much work… but I will come and comment in parts on each line in this post that has touched a few chords… its extremely thought provoking !!🙂

      God Bless this Indi ki bachi.. !
      me-(((hugs)))
      I know Dhiren:)
      and you are one such adorable soul here🙂

      • June 22, 2009 5:48 pm

        Its about not solving problems for them.
        Its about not dismissing what they say or joke about it.

        Its about allowing them to argue because they need to test their ideas.

        Please don’t make them shut up by throwing around terms like ‘respect’ and ‘maturity’ and ‘responsibility’.

        I really now envy your students… they are a really lucky lot… !!!

        Really !
        me- Dhiren🙂 I am not that great a teacher you know ..🙂 seriously🙂 each day I am learning🙂

        • June 22, 2009 5:50 pm

          Children live for the present.Why don’t you?

          Wish we could all be as mature as the children… really… !!! now tell me who needs to grow up !! huh ??
          me-😆
          you please DONT EVER grow up Dhirenbhai!🙂
          we love you the way you are!
          ((hugs)):)

          • craftyshines permalink
            June 22, 2009 10:27 pm

            yes yes!!! who needs to grow up????!!!!! exactly my point!!!!

            *crafty drinks chocolate milkshake and walks around with a brown moustache*
            me-awww the iimage that came to mind Crafty!😀
            sho very cute😀 and adorable!😀
            😆

            thanks to all u guys, whatever chances there were of growing up have disappeared!!! and this is so not a complaint!

            hugs!!!!!!😀😀😀
            me- Amen!to that! dont EVER grow up!🙂
            I LOVE this little imp😀
            ((hugs)))

  21. June 21, 2009 12:50 pm

    Ok Dhiren, At least you’re not on ‘top’ of me! he he… What a relief.
    me- *ahem*
    ‘yahaan kya chal rahaa hai?😀

  22. June 21, 2009 1:07 pm

    Every bit of it every bit of it and I am still a child🙂
    me- I know kiddo🙂
    you are a young ancient philosopher in disguise like I always say😀

    See this is exactly what I want a lot of people to understand(including those ‘close’ to me) , that even small things have huge implications can leave scars . Yet when you tell them how you felt at that time , they sneer at it ..
    me- ((((hugs))))))
    now you know that you are special🙂 more than anyone else can hope to be🙂 I dont know of anyone in your age group who writes the way you do

    It takes atlas’ strength to fight back and fortunately for me , I started writing , in fact , many a poems of mine are where I am trying to tell what I feel ( albeit the fact that now days such poems are few and far between) …
    me- Writing can act as a catharsis Vichu….so can anything else that one loves…I am glad that you discovered that writing was your catharsis….and all that you have felt and feel is visible in your words..🙂

    I love being around with kids , the joy of not having to being ‘mature’ is immense …
    me-🙂 I know..thats obvious too🙂

    Btw the sky being a purple reminded me of this poem ( my second long poem , written way way back then )

    http://www.visheshunni.com/2006/10/sea-poem.html

    And something on pain – http://www.visheshunni.com/2007/02/pain.html
    me- will come over and read right now Vichu🙂

  23. craftyshines permalink
    June 21, 2009 1:21 pm

    That quote Indy! Sigh! Me loved loved loved….
    Can I dedicate it to u from me?🙂🙂 muah!
    me- and to you from me too cutipie🙂
    ((hugs))

    Yeah “I love kids” is an over used statement. Sometimes I think ppl just say it to add a likability factor to their personality…sheesh….

    me- hai na? after having met so many people who say this I instinctively know who is genuine and who is not..

    Why cant a cloud be purple and the sky green? Why do fishes have to swim in the water? How can you tell a child that fishes are not supposed to fly?
    U know what this reminds me of Indy? That song in Taare Zamee Par…..bum bum bole…. “Bhala machliya bhi kyun udti nahin? Aise bhi socho na!”
    me- yes that movie was superb!and the song was so beautiful!!

    U’ve said it so beautifully Indy! Its true….everybody tries to condition kids to their liking. But it backfires. Thy either endup dependant or go on to be rebels (n this cud be for better or for worse…)
    me- absolutely right Crafty!
    for better or for worse… ..!😦

    Children are not meant to be perfect. They are meant to be themselves.
    INDY! Will u PLISS talk to my dad????? Hmmm, it’s a bit late now…..
    if it weren’t for friends who fell in love with the imperfect me, I dunno what I wud’ve ended up as!!!
    me- we all have our own angels🙂 some of us are lucky if we find them early in life🙂

    (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))
    if this is the ‘imperfect’ you then I will take that anyday over any perfect ones🙂

    Dismissing what they say as jokes is like a huge mistake! They then refuse to share parts of their day, their life, thinking they will be judged or not taken seriously at all!

    me-exactly!you took the words out of my mouth!children share so very rarely..so when they do one should drop everything and simply sit and listen to what they have to say..with compete attention and love and respect..

    The definition of respect n maturity is so twisted to convenience. If ever u argue or question a belief, u r told to “not backanswer” and “respect” Phooey! If u can’t defend ur beliefs with substantial logic, then change them na!!!!

    me- If u can’t defend ur beliefs with substantial logic, then change them na!!!! yes..exactly my thoughts Crafty..

    Parents shouldn’t do the fencing and falling bit for their children…or they will grow up to be spineless sissies!! Gotta learn to ride a bike? Must to scrape knees first!!! Maybe a bonk on the head too…all parents need is to stand n cheer and dab some antiseptic when required!
    As Calvin’s dad says “It builds character!”

    me- BEAUTIFULLY SAID!!Gotta learn to ride a bike? Must to scrape knees first!!! Maybe a bonk on the head too…all parents need is to stand n cheer and dab some antiseptic when required!
    will remember these forever coz they say so much so simply..

    Be there to hug them when they look around, their eyes searching for you
    Indy? These words will remain with me always….
    me-((((((hugs))))))))

    The adults who are simply lost when it comes to love.It’s so hard for them to believe that there are people in the world waiting with open arms and a heart that’s full of love.
    U just described crafty around 10 yrs back…..its safe to say that my friends rescued me! I didn’t find them…I was in my shell…they found me, and am I glad they did!!
    me- I am glad too Crafty🙂
    look at how a sunny little imp brightens my day everyday😀

    But this parenting Indy, has ensured that no child of mine or otherwise will be treated the same! Am not sure if I know what kind of a parent to be, but I very well know what kinds to NOT be!
    me- (((hugs))))the best kind of lesson you have chosen to take in Crafty..what to do?that you will learn all on your own:)

    I guess meanness in ppl like u said is very often from a fear of being rejected. So they claim to reject all that comes their way, as means to avoid rejection themselves. Sigh. What a screwed species we’ve turned out to be….
    me- yes true…😦
    meanness , bullying..all signs of a scared frightened neglected kid hiding inside an adult..

    In this blog samaj of ours, words are doing the rounds….emotions, feelings n so much more, only thru words! And yet, how come we feel like better people, simply on knowing these other souls?
    me- what a beautiful way to say it🙂
    these hugs , these words..these gestures..they brighten up our day na?:)
    we all feel close and connected🙂
    the ones who are the sunniest have had too much sadness in their past…but look at the choices they made..
    and now they smile..and laugh..and make others laugh right along too🙂
    I know five such amazing souls in the blogworld🙂
    and they never cease to amaze me🙂 because I love them here but most of all I admire them ….
    one of them is you🙂
    ((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))

    HUGS INDY!!!!
    Me loved this post. And as usual, I have said my most I ever could, at ur post!!!!
    me- and I LOVED all your words🙂
    ((hugs))))))))

    Me loves u dearly as every day passes by!!!!😀
    me- me too crafty🙂 me too😀

    • June 22, 2009 8:27 am

      i think children are meant to be ‘ perfect ‘ perfect in their own ways – as solilo says the cloud is green — that’s why we have whimsical toys and we love it and it makes a conversation piece — in marathi there is a word called ‘porkhell” which roughly means that their is a child in each one of us and when that is unleashed everytime ( questioning, curious, laughing, thinking out of the box ) we become alive
      me- An that IS beautiful!
      ‘porkhell” which roughly means that their is a child in each one of us and when that is unleashed everytime ( questioning, curious, laughing, thinking out of the box ) we become alive!
      BEAUTIFUL! thanks for sharing this!

  24. craftyshines permalink
    June 21, 2009 1:23 pm

    didja noticte indy???? in the earlier comment????
    i threw the coffee!!!!! am sane again!!! am normal!!!!

    heee haaaaaaaaaa
    me- normal?😀
    not for long I hope?😀
    or where would I get the daily dose of Crafty sunshine from?😀

    *crafty hides freshly brewed coffee behind nearby potted plant*
    me-LOL!!
    and Crafty is BACK!😀
    muah!😀

    • June 21, 2009 6:07 pm

      Crafty is normal?!! *gasp! faints in total surprise*

      I quoted Indy on my blog!!!!!!😀
      me- I quoted Indy?
      yeah I know.. now start running!😀

      • June 22, 2009 1:21 pm

        *Crafty catches hold of fainting Pixie n gives her a sip of her coffee*

        LOL!!!! hugs pixie!! i cudn’t be normal even if my life depended on it!!!!😛😀😀
        me-😆
        you gave Pixie a sip of YOUR coffee?
        your hyper -till- I -dance- and- run -in -circles and -jump -and whee -in -delight Coffee?
        okay!!😀

        gimme some of that too on days when I have monday blues😀
        ((hugs))you crazy girl🙂

        • June 24, 2009 1:52 pm

          I LOVE Coffee as much as you do Crafty!!!!
          Really.
          But, what happened to my comment where I had asked Darlin Indy if she’s ok?!!

          me- You love coffee too?😀 figures!

          I did get that comment Pixie🙂
          and I answered too🙂 Its in the last post I think🙂
          (((hugs))))

  25. June 21, 2009 3:13 pm

    What a lovely post, Abhi! Your students are very lucky!
    me-Thanks Manju🙂
    I am more lucky to be with them I think:)

  26. June 21, 2009 3:13 pm

    Lovely post Indy! I so envy your students that they have you as a teacher🙂

    Children are just meant to be themselves. Of course.

    You’ve certainly left a few heartprints in stone…
    me- Thanks Rakesh🙂
    they have left a lot of heartprints on mine too🙂

  27. June 21, 2009 4:03 pm

    Beautiful post.
    Now I know why those mean people are like that.

    me-thanks Neha

  28. June 21, 2009 4:53 pm

    We are abused by the elders when we are growing up and when we are in the same place as the elders are, we behave exactly the same way with a child. Its a vicious circle out of which we are unable to break out.

    Its like the seniors in the college who rag freshers. When the freshers become seniors, they pay back the same behaviour with the freshers. Humans are supposed to learn from experiences. But there are instances where we still are equals with animals.
    me- vicious circle is exactly the right word Liju.. and the example you gave?of seniors and freshers?thats exactly right!
    human beings suck majorly at times!😦

  29. June 21, 2009 6:34 pm

    Lovely post indyeah, i wish my kids to be in ur class🙂

    “Its about not interrupting when they talk because they need someone to listen and listen well”— very well said,i will write these words in my book🙂🙂

    Please don’t make them shut up by throwing around terms like ‘respect’ and ‘maturity’ and ‘responsibility’.— Hugs to u

    I remember ur post on hriday’s b’day– u wrote be what u want to be🙂
    me-aww.. that is so sweet Saritha🙂
    ‘you remember those words….I would love to know your kids too🙂 as long as they have nice teachers there its all good🙂
    (((hugs)))

  30. June 21, 2009 8:03 pm

    Indy – what you have written is so true and now that I am a parent, I can understand the importance of letting kids be all that much more. Yet, it’s easy to fall prey to peer pressure and conditioning and try to make your kid conform to standards set by society or try to make decisions of his behalf – I will remember to come back to this post in the future if I stray or make mistakes. Lovely post, Indy.
    me- oh man!that IS some praise indeed!coming from someone who is a parent! I am feeling humbled..seriously Mystic..thank YOU for saying this..(((hugs))))
    your popol tales tell me that you are doing a darn good job!!😀 you understand him and his magical world🙂

  31. June 21, 2009 11:40 pm

    Insightful post Indyeah… Loved these lines…”Loving kids of any age is about letting them bloom like wild flowers growing in a forest.
    You are not the gardener and you don’t have to make them perfect, or prune here, snip a little there, just so.

    Children are not meant to be perfect.They are meant to be themselves .”
    me-thank you so much N🙂
    How are you doing?:) and the little darling ?🙂

  32. June 22, 2009 12:00 am

    Lovely post Abhi! Your students are lucky to have someone like you as a teacher. I feel having teachers who can give so much thought to the influences on their psyche are rare and should be cherished. There is no doubt that childhood wounds can leave lifelong scars, and this can become an endless cycle… loved how you say,
    “Decide when you want to get off this merry- go-round.
    And no ,the other person will not stop being mean.

    You will.”

    And I also believe in,

    Loving kids is not about telling them to draw a cloud that’s white and a sky that’s blue.

    Why cant a cloud be purple and the sky green? Why do fishes have to swim in the water? How can you tell a child that fishes are not supposed to fly?
    You are not the gardener and you don’t have to make them perfect, or prune here, snip a little there, just so.
    Children are not meant to be perfect.They are meant to be themselves .

    I am sure all the parents of the kids in your hands absolutely adore you. You are the kind of teacher students remember in their old age to their children… keep up the good work Indyeah!
    me- ((((((Hugs)))))))))))))) IHM🙂
    I missed you so much🙂
    thank YOU ..that praise made me smile and pepped me up 🙂
    muah! I also give some of the parents headaches😀

  33. June 22, 2009 5:32 am

    Excellent! Completely agree! Parenting is such a huge responsibility. One aspect of your life where you just cant afford to go wrong. And hence, I think and re-think whether I am capable of nurturing another soul, making a wholesome adult out of a tiny baby, take responsibility for another human being. Because, god forbid, if I go wrong, the scars shall remain indelible. And not on me. But on my lil one!
    An excellent post Indyeah!

    me- And hence, I think and re-think whether I am capable of nurturing another soul, making a wholesome adult out of a tiny baby, take responsibility for another human being. Because, god forbid, if I go wrong, the scars shall remain indelible. And not on me. But on my lil one!
    Oh!loved how you said it all in such simple words!
    Piper if only everyone thought twice before becoming a parent..
    why cant people be more responsible about this?
    I mean if one’s own life is troubled..if one is not ready to become a parent then why become one?
    Thank you for sharing this ((((((((((((hugs)))))))
    you are a wise wise soul🙂 and an adorable friend🙂

  34. June 22, 2009 9:33 am

    I hereby mark my presence here and promise that I will be back very very soon.
    me-😀 presence all marked Smita😀
    attendance given in the register
    *jotting down Smita’s name*😀

  35. June 22, 2009 10:07 am

    Your comment space can make a hilarious post anyday😛
    You’re right about them meanies. But I worry more about children who are in such a hurry to grow up. Like the 7/8 yr old girl I met at a restaurant last evening who carries a cell phone, excuses herself when she gets a call and blushes into the phone. Or the boys who should be buying their first razors but are at the chemist buying condoms. One word for them: PATIENCE😀
    me-😆
    yeah the comment box is a laugh riot😀

    you know that’s so true,..about children who grow up too fast, too soon…
    one wonders at times…..couldn’t their parents be bothered enough?
    where did all the childhood innocence go? boys who are buying condoms..girls who are getting serious boyfriends at age 8 or even younger..
    just makes one wonder at the absurdity of it all..where are we going?

  36. Quirky Indian permalink
    June 22, 2009 10:07 am

    Indyeah is back! With a passionate, heartfelt and long post…..🙂

    Cheers,

    Quirky Indian
    me- Thanks a lot QI🙂

  37. June 22, 2009 10:33 am

    hmmm…i’m speechless.I never thought about it in this way.Kids are innocent.we should love them,spend time with them,play with them,listen to them always(abt there fantasies,stories,complaints,doubts)teach them values and correct them when they do wrong.
    me- absolutely! we should listen to them..thats the keyword..’listen’
    I had a good childhood days.But when i was in high school,i had very harsh teachers.They used beat us like beating bulls.After almost 10 years , still i don’t understand y they wanna teach us in that way.

    me-they used to beat you?
    WTH??
    ((((Hugs)))
    such teachers and parents too should be whipped!
    you know why they were/are that way? because they are frustrated with their lot in life!thats whY!
    when someone beats a child I fume because no excuses about how troubled that adult was works for me!
    if he/she is THAT troubled then please check into a mental institution and keep away from society but DONT BEAT KIDS!

    I would like to add one more point to your post.Like , in Bible it is written that..”Whoever refuses to spank his son hates him, but whoever loves his son disciplines him from early on” , Proverb 13:24…….Whenever they needed to be corrected, we should correct them in a sensible way
    me- sensible way?there is NO sensible way when it comes to beating /disciplining kids by hitting them in any manner Anish….that includes even one slap.
    one child might be okay with a light slap…he/she will happily bounce back..and go off to play..and maybe learn a lesson from it..
    while the very same slap to another child may have disastrous consequences!
    his/her confidence and spirit might be broken forever!
    he/she may withdraw into a shell and may refuse to come out..it takes very little for kids to feel hurt and withdraw into shells..
    it takes AGES to get them to come out of that shell..

    Anyways U’r students will be so proud to have a teacher like U🙂 …superb post🙂
    me- thanks Anish🙂

  38. June 22, 2009 10:59 am

    Lovely post…

    We all go through tough times in our childhood. Its upto our family, friends and our own character to get through them. The unlucky ones get scarred for life and inadvertently pass it on to others by making wrong choice in their lives – either by selecting the wrong career or by getting married to the wrong person, and other such decisions in life. The chain reaction goes on….
    me-yes chain reaction!
    you have brought a new angle to this Puja..about wrong choices in life..getting married to someone who is completely wrong for us…wrong career….thanks for writing about this..

    We have to be aware enough to end this toxin being spread like this. One has to be positive enough to let life give a second chance through their kids/siblings/friends etc. Its only when you open up your mind and heart, that the ‘right’ attitude comes through.
    me- when you open your mind..your heart!yes!!thats the key!

    LIVE and not just live the life, and include the kids in your positivity. Jump, dance, whirl around, laugh loudly, and enjoy the independence that is there for you to grab. There is no preset path, atleast not if you wish so. Mangoes can be blue if you want them to. And sky does change colors throughout the day. So grab the color that YOU like and paint it on the canvas of your imagination. Let your child give a new birth to the child that lies dormant in you, and make sure that you let it survive…

    me-oh WOW!!and you said it all!!and so beautifully too!🙂
    thank YOU for sharing this🙂
    jump, dance , whirl around,laugh loudly!🙂 I loved this!!

    (sorry for the long comment, but what do I do? you inspired these lines🙂 )
    me- hey why sorry? feel free to write whatever you want🙂
    its such a pleasure to read🙂
    ((hugs)))

  39. June 22, 2009 11:35 am

    This is such a honest post dear and I totally agree with you.

    Though I don’t have kids now and my only interaction with them has been thru my bro’s kids but when I listen to my colleagues about being over protective about them I know for sure that I am not going to be like them.
    me- I could tell you that you would be a GREAT parent! ask me how!😀
    coz the child in you is alive AND KICKING!!😀
    and how!!

    I can easily say that my parents have been model parents and they have let me n bro do whatever we wanted to. When I chose Arts over science despite all their discomfort they accepted my decision. Am sure I will be like them. Support your kids, tell them whats right or wrong but make them independent enough to know the right or wrong!!!
    me- yes..absolutely!
    make them independent enough to know the difference between right and wrong and that they make their own choices

    Sometimes over protection can be killing. DO u see this serial on Sony, “Ladies Special”? It has track of one such Mom who is so scared of her daughter going the wrong way that she has become interfering & has antagonized her daughter!!!!
    me-yep !I saw two episodes …and I agree with you in your assessment of the mom…parents dont realize how it can all backfire!
    Lovely post🙂

    Was that a long comment??? lemme hit on publish n see😉
    me-long comemnt and one that I LOVED!🙂
    ((hugs)))

  40. Deeps permalink
    June 22, 2009 11:36 am

    Ok,now let me just regain my senses…I’ve been dancing hysterically after seeing such a long post from you,you know😛😛
    me- aww that is so cute😀
    ((hugs)))
    *Indy floating in the clouds*😀

    Now about the post..you have me literally introspecting about myself,Abhi. Such powerful and awakening words coming from a person like you who deals with children day in day out is inspiring. Yes you do come across people who never get acknowledged or appreciated or simply listened to which bears a huge negative impact on their psyche. And its no different about children.
    me-arre! no!no!I am with kids the whole day but I am not a parent na?so that would be best answered by someone who is one like you:)you would know best🙂
    I SO agree that when children are not appreciated and acknowledged it has a HUGE impact on their pysche

    After reading your post,trust me I’m going to be a better listener to my daughter,I will be arguing less with her and trying to see her point of view.
    I’m going to refer to these words of yours in bringing her up to be a better person,a more secure person.
    me- aww that is sweet🙂
    I am glad🙂

    “This is why use your words with care.Your gestures with even more care.
    For, sometimes they are all you have. And sometimes all that a stranger might have received the whole day.”
    You’ve said it all in those few words.
    Thank you so much for this eye-opening post.I’m sure it will help me in dealing with my child in a much better way🙂
    (((HUGS)))
    me- (((Hugs))you have been so generous with your words Deeps🙂
    thank YOU🙂
    I am only a teacher..you know best what works for your namnam🙂
    and looking at how much namnam is loved I know she is going to grow up as a wonderfully strong woman🙂

  41. Deeps permalink
    June 22, 2009 11:42 am

    I have said this before also…let me reiterate….your children are blessed to have a guide,a teacher like you,Abhi.
    God bless🙂

    me- ((((((Hugs)))))))))))you are too sweet🙂
    I ma more blessed that I found out just in time that this is what I loved🙂

  42. June 22, 2009 12:21 pm

    If only I had met you as a teacher in my school life . But then , you are too young for that . If only I had met you , as a friend,philosopher and guide .
    me- Oh!thats some praise indeed Kislay!🙂
    you said ‘young‘😀
    Kislay is my best friend for life😀 but seriously thanks:)
    I am learning a lot too you know..I fumble a lot🙂 you would be amazed at how many times exactly! (all the time)😀

    • June 22, 2009 12:50 pm

      what is this, emotional athyachar………..😛 kislay dude………..:mrgreen:

      indy madam, dont start floating too high, you will hit the ceiling……….😛😀
      me- haww!!!
      *Looks at OG in disbelief*😥

      • June 22, 2009 8:47 pm

        Damn OG . That WAS too emotional . But Indy is a great teacher .🙂
        me-😀
        haan!bas trust you guys to backtrack!😛
        arre let me enjoy all the praise for atleast a day!
        *mutters something about indecisive friends*
        the great teacher saved you😛😛
        but seriously let me also add that I am a learner too🙂

        • June 22, 2009 9:51 pm

          jokes apart, you are right Kislay,
          I think Indy is the most lovable, pure hearted soul I have ever met…. online or not………..😛

          Indyeah, that was a serious comment, no leg pulling😛

          PS: now, dont break the fan by hitting it with your 100 kg head😛
          me- awww…(((hugs)))OG in delight🙂 THANK YOU!😀

          OG is like the greatest in the world..
          OG is so errr AWESOME AT singing😀
          OG is the COOLEST dude around..
          OG is..err you get the pic right?😀

          hmmm..*Indy thinking hard*talking to self..
          hmmm should I errmm throw away those OG -Vimmuuu ordinary Voodooo perfectly harmless figures dolls ?
          *Looks at OG*
          thinks of the evil plan that is being hatched by SOlilo and her*
          no …not a good idea to tell OG right now*:mrgreen:

          self talk!act normal!Indy act normal!
          OG!!!😀
          wassup!!dude!?😀

          ——-
          But seriously OG?
          thanks is not quite enough🙂 yeah I am floating😀
          THANK YOU🙂 that is some praise from you🙂

          ((hugs))

          • June 23, 2009 12:08 am

            ROFL!!!!!!! so you do agree that I have a great singing voice😛 ROFL…..

            aahaa!!!, the principle planner behind your evil plans is “Don Sololi”…. I should have known😛

            and lastly, you are welcome madam……🙂 I only stated the truth…. hugs to you as well😛
            me-😀 will let any opportunity for smart comebacks pass😀

            coz I am floatinggggggg!😀
            in the clouds😀

          • June 23, 2009 2:26 pm

            ROFL!! OG, now u know why the komalikkal cousins were having a bad weekend… u were asking whose voodoo it could have been…. NOW u got the answer!!😀😀
            me-😆

  43. June 22, 2009 1:03 pm

    Heartfelt post Indy. And as all of them have said, beautiful n each word carries a profound meaning.

    I loved the way u put it in such simple words. Lucky those students who have u as a teacher.
    me-thank you so much Swaram🙂

    And I know, I have a problem which u can definitely help me to solve. I have to see that this works but just don’t know how to go about. When u get time, pls do help me understand the same and help the boy for gud.

    http://thesongoflife.blogspot.com/2009/05/i-need-your-suggestions.html
    me- I will come over and see if I can help Swaram🙂

    • June 23, 2009 2:43 pm

      Thank u🙂 And I know u can.
      me- will come over ASAP Swaram…have been unable to find time to write in detail though have read the post at a glance..🙂

  44. June 22, 2009 1:34 pm

    first time on your blog. Liked the posts that i read.
    Coming to the current one, there are often words that we carelessly throw at our kids, often not meant at all, often just an expression of an irritation, but hurtful nonetheless , we are humans and it happens, there is no escape, but what can be done so that these throw away words do not become heartprints on their souls, is to go to their level on the floor and say that you didnt mean it, that it was just an expression. To say sorry to a child is very important.
    me-welcome here Sujata🙂 thank you🙂
    to go to their level on the floor and say that you didnt mean it, that it was just an expression. To say sorry to a child is very important.thank YOU! for these words here ! I LOVED them🙂

  45. June 22, 2009 7:59 pm

    Indi is back with her loong posts and that too super posts..

    Each and every line is so good indyeah. It would have been a wonderful world out there if every teacher thinks like you… your students are definitely lucky.

    I think of writing long comments but somehow i can’t.. it’s an art only people like u can master😀

    me- thank YOU mystery🙂
    super?:D awww thank YOU🙂

    I have met some teachers who are the most wonderful human beings I have ever come across🙂 we need more those kind of teachers🙂
    thank you once again🙂

    yeh last line mein kuch gadbad hai😀

  46. June 22, 2009 8:41 pm

    Indyeah – I posted a long comment and hit enter by mistake – so I am not sure if it went through😦 So will post it again😦
    me-🙂 I got the second comment Smitha🙂
    smile😀

  47. June 22, 2009 8:59 pm

    Indyeah, This is such a emotional and relevant post! As I have told you earlier- I just hope that Poohi has teachers like you..
    me- (((((Hugs)))))) you always encourage so much🙂

    I believe in this too..

    ‘Loving kids is NOT about fawning over them every two seconds and coochie cooing over how cute they look or how adorable they are.

    Loving kids is not about telling them to draw a cloud that’s white and a sky that’s blue.

    Why cant a cloud be purple and the sky green? Why do fishes have to swim in the water? How can you tell a child that fishes are not supposed to fly?’

    and

    ‘Loving kids of any age is about letting them bloom like wild flowers growing in a forest.
    You are not the gardener and you don’t have to make them perfect, or prune here, snip a little there, just so.’

    Very well said!
    me-thanks🙂

    Kids are not objects of desire that can be customised to someone’s requirements.. Children have personalities of their own.. Children have dreams of their own. And as you say each child is an individual – just as adults are. Forcing them to leave their dreams, stifling out their imagination and discouraging their thinking beyond set boundaries are just indications of the adult’s failure to understand the child.

    Teachers have such a huge part to play in any child’s life.. Teachers can make or break a child.. I have been extremely lucky with my teachers. But I remember the one time I had a really horrid teacher in Class II. She used to make life miserable for most of us – just her pets had a good time in her class. I have never heard her being encouraging to any child. The thought of her was so terrible that I remember praying fervently, during the summer break between Class II and III that please, please let her not be my class teacher again!
    me-😦
    thats sad … what a pathetic teacher and that too in charge of such young kids?

    On the other hand, I remember being extremely scared of going up on stage for a debate.. I had a real bad case of stage-fright. My wonderful English teacher took me aside, gave me a pep talk and was so so encouraging that that was the very last time that I had stage fright. Today, I can make presentations, or talk to large gatherings without any problems – but it could so easily have been the other way around.
    me-((((Hugs))now THAT made me smile!🙂
    what a wonderful teacher! I was reminded of my english teacher too who was adorable!!🙂
    see?what a wonderful effect on a young mind for a lifetime?
    awesome!🙂

    You know what the worst part is – it is not just teachers – it is also parents who could be just as mean.. Someone very close to me had the very bad experience of his Dad being permanently critical of him. Nothing was good enough.. even the son’s appearance was a matter to be criticized!! What is the poor child to do? Undergo plastic surgery – to please his dad? Thankfully, he overcame it and put it all behind him – but not everybody is so lucky.. And there are so many people out there – scarred for life.
    me-😦 this is so heartbreaking to read Smitha… I know how much words can hurt..😦
    good for your friend!!
    I am damn glad he has come out of that phase..

    It is so sad if the people who are supposed to guide you, take care of you – scars you for life instead.. It is a form of child abuse, isn’t it? Expecting children to conform to your expectations.. to live the life you dreamt of.. to suppress the originality and the imagination out of a young life.. to stifle creativity.. it all adds up to the person the child will grow up to be.. and the cycle could continue..

    me- Yes IT IS child abuse!!absolutely!!
    yes it all adds up to the person the child will grow up to be…

    ‘Its a merry- go-round one where all of us are being mean to each other.You are mean to me,I will be mean to you…..you’ll be even more mean to me and I will be meaner to you too and so on..

    Decide when you want to get off this merry- go-round.
    And no ,the other person will not stop being mean.’

    Yes, it is up to us to break the cycle – without any expectations – just because it is the right thing to do!

    Fantastic Post! Loved every word of it!
    me- I LOVED YOUR COMMENT!🙂
    thank YOU🙂
    (((hugs))))

  48. June 22, 2009 9:00 pm

    Oops – Indyeah – Just saw the length of the comment😦
    me-arre!!what oops!?😀
    I LOVED your comment! it was so heartfelt!🙂
    always write whatever you feel like Smitha🙂
    I love it🙂

    • June 22, 2009 9:25 pm

      Smithu!!!! how can u say “oops” for length of comment here???
      🙄

      *crafty motions for drumrolls*

      THIS IS INDYEAH’S BLOG!!!!

      don’t u know smithu, she gets us all chattier???

      don’t say oops! be proud of it!!!

      *Crafty scuttles off to give Indy more hugs*
      me- aww you darling!!
      (((Hugs))right back!🙂
      muahh!😀
      and I love this chatttiest girl (is that a word?never mind :D) a lot😀

    • June 24, 2009 10:26 pm

      Yes, as Crafty says, Indyeah, you make us all chatty🙂 We go crazy here -with words🙂
      me- muah!😀
      I love it wen everyone shares🙂
      (((Hugs))))

  49. June 22, 2009 9:20 pm

    When I ‘saw’ this post, I thought ‘god, this is so long, it might be boring’. As soon I started reading….you have not repeated a single sentence, opinion! Amazing.
    me-🙂

    I agree with you completely, Indyeah. Finding fault with children is easy. When I read Vimmuuu’s comment, I thought I was reading my son’s thoughts. Like vimmuuu, one day he should change and bring himself to grips. As everyone here, in the comments said, every person gets hurt at some point of life and learn something out of it and put it aside as experience. The world is full of roses also, not just thorns.

    me- (((hugs)) for you and for your son …as a mom you can see so much..and yet the choice would have to be made by him na? you can watch but you cant help..that he will have to do on his own….

    he will have to decide when to get over the hurt and start the healing process…without the acknowledgment there can be no cure…I hope he does soon Sandhya…🙂
    yes, so true..the world is full of roses too…../that made me smile🙂.

    A very very good post, Indyeah.
    me- thanks Sandhya🙂

  50. craftyshines permalink
    June 22, 2009 10:31 pm

    indy?

    i just read ur comment at IHM’s blog…..on woman’s dressing…..

    i am officially in love with u, for life…..
    i am a die-hard fan of oscar wilde, the best of sarcasm, with a staunch point to make! ur comment Indy was nothing short of that!!!

    really!

    mocking yet indignant! so totally oscar wilde!

    HUGS!!!!!!
    me-aww thank you Crafty😀
    Oscar Wilde?*gasp*
    no!no!some wilde fan will kill me for that blasphemy!😀

    and I loved the fact that you read it and came to tell me all about it🙂
    what a sweetheart you are🙂 (((Hugs))))))

  51. June 23, 2009 12:17 am

    beautifully written…. heartbreaking honest…. hats off to you… seriously!
    me- thank you Ashwathy🙂

    P.S.: Can you adopt me? I’ll be very nice… honest!😀 You are my kinda parent! lol
    me-😀 anytime !😀
    come over quick! where are your adoption papers little girl?😀
    (((Hugs)))sweetheart😀

    (no! Vimmuuuudont EVEN think about some smart comment to make regarding sweetheart!
    *that goes for you too OG *
    see?I know exactly how your minds work😀

    you devils!😀

    jokes apart, I m saving this post of urs. the problem with most parents is that once they turn parents, they forget what it was like to be children. someday when i m a parent i want to remember all this and more… and esp what it took to make into what i m today. my childhood wasn’t filled with all that great memories either… and i was an introvert during most of my teenage.

    sometimes u have to stand up for urself where sometimes not even ur family can help u. if u dont stand up for urself, sometimes no one else will….
    but once u do, u’d be surprised at the results. i definitely was!🙂

    me- you have said it so beautifully Ashwathy🙂
    sometimes u have to stand up for urself where sometimes not even ur family can help u. if u dont stand up for urself, sometimes no one else will….
    but once u do, u’d be surprised at the results. i definitely was!

    and you are such a completely humorous and fun loving human being🙂 its visible in your words on your blog🙂 I like this introvert turned one of the nicest bloggers around.. (((hugs))))

    • June 23, 2009 4:44 am

      no comments……….😛😛 ROFL!! I will wait for Vimmuuu to say something😛
      me- ????
      OG NOT making a smart comment?
      OMG!
      has the earth stopped revolving?😀

    • June 23, 2009 2:15 pm

      awww… thanks *blush blush* LOL🙂

      @OG and vimmuuu
      put a sock on it atleast once, u komalikkal cousins!😀

      @indyeah
      guys are the ones who have a problem expressing between themselves rite? not the girls! so there!😛
      me-😀 blush blush🙂
      so cute😀
      you tell em girl!😀
      yeah gals never have a prob with expressing themselves😀

      • June 25, 2009 12:12 am

        yeah, we guys express emotions in different ways…….. for eg: like being quiet…….and not saying anything😛

        me- being quiet is an emotion?😀
        yeah it is😛 but still a word or two never hurts does it?😀
        specially when it comes to expressing one’s love for loved ones….family might never know how much we love them unless we tell them na?same goes for friends🙂.

      • June 26, 2009 2:07 pm

        better late than never🙂 blogrolling u! it’s my loss i dont… honestly!🙂
        me- awww thanks🙂
        ((((hugs)))! I am overwhelmed🙂

  52. June 23, 2009 12:27 am

    A beautiful post Indyeah…..its a subject we can write 800 pages on but still we wd have just touched the tip of the iceberg.
    me- absolutely!one can discuss this forever and we still wouldn’t have a ‘solution’ per se….becasue to even begin to identify the problem is a mammoth task…

    While we were children & faced biased behaviour from parents/ teachers/ neighbours, etc, we swore to be better human beings but when we were older, forgot about it as time passed in short..it was more convenient to be JUST LIKE those people who terrorised us.
    me- yeah the circle continues😦
    sad and heartbreaking😦

    While raising 2 girls I’m at crossroads everyday…of when, where, how I shd draw the line.
    me- (((hugs)))
    I love how you share about both of them on your blog🙂
    they look like they are turning just fine!🙂

    In the end there is no correct method of raising children. What works for 1 person may/does not work for another…..thats where instincts come in & like u said HUMANITY.
    me- I agree ..there is no ONE solution to all of this..it depends on the situation and the child in question..

    The children you teach are very lucky to have U as their teacher. A few more sensitive & mature educators like u can make so much difference to their lives.
    me-thanks Nancy
    there are quite a few teachers who LOVE what they do..I know some really wonderful ones..I wish we had more of them too..((((Hugs)))

  53. June 23, 2009 4:43 am

    just came back to see if you`ve replied to my comment. And I`m touched by your warmth!!🙂 You`ve just made my day, Indyeah! :):) Hugs back!
    me- aww(((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))back🙂

  54. June 23, 2009 9:58 am

    awesome post as usual..it’s great to have teachers like you in the country..hope the parents also learn a thing or two😀
    me- thanks a lot Rahul😀

  55. June 23, 2009 12:08 pm

    *sigh* Thats just the crux of the matter.. ppl dont start family coz they want to.. but because they are forced to do it.. within a particular time frame.. like a robot!

    Wonderful post dear!
    me- hai na?like a robot!😦
    have kids just coz you are supposed to , just coz everyone says so..😦
    sad😦

    thanks Winnie

    • June 24, 2009 10:28 pm

      Yes, Winnie – I think it is extremely important to start a family when both the partners are ready for it. We waited for more than 5 years before we had our daughter – and I think it was wonderful because it was the right time for us. Both of us were ready to be parents.. we had come to the stage where we wanted to be parents – rather than the society dictating when ! I just hope that more and more couples stand firm on their decision and decide based on what is right for them!
      me- thats great to hear Smitha! we need more such couples like you !

  56. June 23, 2009 5:22 pm

    🙂 Beautiful Abhi…Only people with kind heart can love kids..I am proud to have met you.. (((hugs)))

    As vimmu and you said,I never had anything to remember about my childhood..I never had a best friend..I still don’t know whether it has done good or bad to me…
    me- We all make our choices na Nimmy?
    all of us have had less than perfect childhoods..but its what we do when we grow up and take responsibility that matters….you seem to be doing great🙂
    ((hugs))

  57. craftyshines permalink
    June 24, 2009 2:49 pm

    me loves this header INDY!!!!!!!!!!!!
    😀

    me-thank you cutiepie😀 muahh!!😀

    • Solilo permalink
      June 25, 2009 7:27 am

      Crafty, my bachcha! did you just change your ‘chashme ka number’? Muahahahahaha
      me –😀

  58. June 24, 2009 4:04 pm

    Heartprints…what an apt title, for such beautiful thoughts. All I did was kept nodding with every sentence. Gone indeed are the days when all that we expected from kids was respect and obedience, now we have loaded them with our dreams, aspirations and everything else.
    me- hai na? I so agree Poonam …and you are a parent so you know just how kids think🙂
    I look back and think about my kids childhood, and realize that the one thing we gave them whole heartedly was enthusiasm to live life and face the challenges life offers.Besides being successful human beings, they are good human beings. Once again I say…U surely do make a great teacher, what with all these thoughts. Bless You Indyeah…..Yes, I resurfaced today.

    me- I knew that you would have been a great parent🙂 ask me how?😀
    coz your words as well as JP sir’s tell me all that I need to know🙂
    I loved this..that they need to be good human beings ..the success can follow🙂
    I need the blessings🙂
    (((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))

  59. June 24, 2009 8:17 pm

    a very lovely write up…..in some of my previous posts i had written something about children seen in the railway station….one particular incident that i saw in front of my eyes…..it was an awful sight. Fight for survival. do read if you are interested.also wrote about a camp i attended some time back and also a baby with extreme retardation..it would break a heart….some realities are harsh.
    me- thanks Nitu…
    😦 that is heartbreaking isnt it?
    I will come over to read it for sure…

  60. June 25, 2009 1:37 am

    huh!! .. you can write very very long posts and still continue to make sense …🙂

    thats crazy .. you have a great ability to preach (sorry that word is becoming a shade negative) ..
    me- LOL!!
    *Indy wondering if she should smile at SP or glare at him *😛
    decides to smile😀
    thank you so much SP😀

  61. June 25, 2009 9:09 am

    beautifully written .. loving children should not be difficult ideally .. what with their innocence and exuberance about everything.. but not all of us can strike that chord with children and become a child when interacting with one ..
    me -thanks Bedazzled…
    yes..it shouldn’t be difficult and yet sometimes it becomes tough when we have forgotten that we too have little child inside us ..

  62. June 25, 2009 9:09 am

    Why, is my so heart warming, encouraging, full of appreciation for your ideas, comment missing… Sigh…….Not right ? I look forward to your replies too…they indeed are a post in them selves equally thought provoking.

    me- awwww (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))
    muahh!😀 no delay from now on🙂

  63. Pal permalink
    June 25, 2009 1:56 pm

    I am sure I left a comment on this much much earlier. Can’t seem to find it now!
    Enjoyed your heartfelt post🙂
    me- thanks Pal🙂

  64. June 25, 2009 3:32 pm

    beautiful Indyeah🙂 I am saving this entry for future references😀 hehe!!
    me- thanks Saima🙂
    future references ?😀
    *ahem* Marriage plans in the offing? 😀
    ((hugs))😛

  65. June 26, 2009 1:02 am

    You know, Humanism is actually being sought after as a religion🙂
    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Humanism
    me- thanks for the link Kokonad 🙂
    This was really interesting to read …
    I hope that they or rather we dont make this also another religion (like so many others)

  66. June 26, 2009 3:58 pm

    A first time visitor to your blog.
    Beautifully written about very real problems so many around have…
    It is such a mammoth yet rewarding task…to bring up happy, healthy (both physically as well as emotionally) children

    Am blogrolling you to come back for more from you!🙂
    me- thanks a lot SGD🙂 and welcome here🙂
    I am honoured🙂

  67. June 27, 2009 10:05 am

    Hi,there…coming here the other way round- I just joined blogadda and read ur interview…good going!!:)Congrats..will be back to read more.Have a lovely day.
    me- welcome here Amit🙂
    joining blogadda was a good move😀
    thank you so much🙂

  68. July 5, 2009 1:48 am

    Not sure if you have any posts on Tibet

    youtube.com/watch?v=KW7vtmufeGw

    youtube.com/watch?v=iVpEU8Gori0
    me -Maald the links are not working..was this regarding Tibet and the independent Tibet movt?

  69. ves21 permalink
    July 6, 2009 3:31 am

    thought you had disappeared… nice to find you blog again. nice as usual. cheers.!!!!😉 read woody allens next life….

    me- VES!! you are here!!🙂 arre I didnt dspr! I was right here just changed homes thats all🙂 from blogspot to WP🙂
    and where have you been? you know what I remember when I go to your blog? that line about something(I have forgotten what) burns at 45 and what about your freedom girl? coz that made me think! still does🙂
    miss the debates🙂

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