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Oh baby!

September 1, 2012
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Its a little disconcerting to find the same questions thrown back at you right after you had decided that your life was above all this. That you couldn’t really believe that people asked such silly questions of total strangers…..or did they?

Listening to viewpoints shared by friends and relatives alike, reading blogposts that talked about it .

I would read and listen and nod my head in a trying-to understand -you- but- not- quite -there  manner.

But that was before marriage.

How many years has it been? Oh! it’s been quite some time no?

Since all of us that is I and my friends are in the same phase of life…newly married and young, we are getting highly annoyed with these cross examinations.

 Enjoying haan? We’ll see how much fun you have after having a baby. 

(To  a friend  ) Arre!I t’s been that long ? Plan a baby now yaar.

I am sorry. For what I am about to say.

On behalf of moi and all my friends who get disgusted with such comments/advice/gyaan/saving our party going give a damn souls/call it what you will.

Dear ladies who are the givers of all gyaan,

I am sorry if you think marriage is like some sort of a sand clock where we are all racing against time.

I am not and I refuse to.

I am sorry if you think a  baby is something you must have after x number of marriage years.

I am sorry if you think that having  a baby ‘seals’ the marriage bond. Or that  a baby instantly ‘cures’ even the most abusive of marriages.

No, it is two individuals  who are friends, lovers and soulmates in a  marriage who  do that . A  baby is not a ‘solution’ to marital problems.

I am sorry that you don’t have the basic courtesies of life in place.If it is not okay to talk or question someone about the intimacies of a marriage. If it is considered rude to ask someone about their finances then how  is it that the ‘baby’ question is okay?

I am sorry if you regret having your baby early.

A baby  doesn’t hamper one’s life but enriches it.

I can see how much you are enjoying your little one  when you try to ‘palm off’ your baby’ to any and every woman you come across because ” arre enjoying too much na. Here take my baby” and disappearing for hours together.

We want to have a baby. PM and I. Not when  society tells us to. Not when friends tell us to. Not when relatives tell us to.

But when we want to.

I want to hold the little bundle in my hands. I want to see the look on his face when his son or daughter smiles up at him for the first time. I want to imagine how we will feel when we hear the first gurgle. I want so many things. 

What I don’t want is regret. The way I see it in every action of yours. In your eyes. Of how you feel chained by your baby. How you feel that your marital bliss was cut short because of the little one. How you feel of what could have been. Should have been.

I am sorry for the stress you are going through.

I am sorry because I can kind of understand that taking care of a baby is hard, hard work and that you are entitled to outbursts. I know that taking care of a baby minus the help of any relatives or maids or even your husband at times is stressful.

But please don’t include other women in it. Women who are capable of taking decisions for themselves.

I know that some of  the advice could be right. I know that some of  it  could be useful information.

But not when it comes from you . An almost stranger.You who lurks in every corner. Not when I have not asked you for your precious advice. You who has decided that every woman needs to know when to ‘plan’ a  baby and you will tell her when. It’s embarrassing and more than that it is darn insulting. 

Please let me live in peace or the ‘sledgehammer me’ is going to take over pretty quick.

Yours sincerely,

The stubborn chit 

PS: I can see you giving me unsolicited parenting advice a few years down the line. After I have a  baby. You are never really going to go away are you? *shudders*

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. September 1, 2012 11:22 am

    Been there done that and I couldn’t stop laughing hard at this line ‘I can see you giving me unsolicited parenting advice a few years down the line. After I have a baby’ because my dear you are bang on.

    These very ppl who are always there with generous advice for everyone hardly follow what they preach so we shud learn the art of ignoring them!

    BTW how have you been bacche?

    me- Hai na? I can now understand so well all that stuff you wrote on the same. Hopin to learn the art. *sigh*
    I have been good.:) Net is only available when I am on leave. So till next year when I can shift to a new place which will be connected to civilization, blogging and stuff is going to be erratic. How is your little one?(((((((hugs)))))))

  2. September 2, 2012 3:36 pm

    THANK YOU!!! U have said everything what I wanted to say to nosey relatives and neighbours!!! 😛 I am saving this post for future reference!

    me- Heh! You better learn quick adawpted dawter.Coz I am tellin you… marriage and then poof!! like magic these people appear! 🙄

    • Solilo permalink
      September 9, 2012 6:56 pm

      You too. Why you no listen? I posted a comment asking for bah-bies. Kids these days. They no pop babies on time. *shakes head*
      me- 😳 😳 *all a-blush* pardon the englees
      *remembers the brahmastra*
      On a sidenote, is Peanut asking for a sistah or brothah? :mrgreen: *runs like hell*

  3. September 3, 2012 9:34 am

    It is very normal for people to give free advise.In fact,i get a feeling that those who do this are the ones who want to get closer to the ones who are being advised.
    I,for one,give it back tro the advise givers in the same language.It helps being sarcastic once in a while.

    me- Its been a long time Sir. Great to see you here:)
    You could be right I suppose. But I wish they would search for some other way to get close….sarcasm is beyond me but I wish like hell that I can use it someday coz you are right.Its the only thing that works.

  4. September 3, 2012 8:04 pm

    Well said!! I keep hearing these things with alarming regularity!! ugh!

    me- Thanks Pix. Try all the formulas on them:)

  5. September 4, 2012 11:19 pm

    So, when ARE you having the baby then ??? 😛 😛 😛 😛

    and guess what, its not just the ladies who face this question !! I felt really disgusting when an aunt of mine asked me once, ‘when you are you having your lill one’; dont you think its sound so much like asking , ‘when are you having you know-you know the next time’ 😀 😀

    How I wish god created us with an ignore button !!! 🙂 Arrey, I am an atheist and what am I talking about !!! 😛
    me- haha!! as if !:P
    But yeah pressing the ignore button’s the perfect formula! How’s life and your better half ?:))

  6. September 5, 2012 8:36 pm

    Hugs! You said it so darned well! Go Gurl! Beautifully expressed! Me too shudders at the thought that such people dont go away and will probably be asking you about the grandchild too :P!

    me- Wha? grandkids too?? 😯 *runs away screaming*

  7. Solilo permalink
    September 9, 2012 5:54 am

    Hello, when are you popping bah-bies? It’s been long,no? *runs away*
    me- I am so happy to see your words here Sols. 😀 😀 That’s me grinning madly. Crazily.
    It ain’t the same without you cutiepie …bilkul bhi nahin…..:(

  8. Solilo permalink
    September 9, 2012 6:54 pm

    Hello, when are you popping bah-bies? It’s been long, no? * runs away*
    me- et tu Solis? 🙄

  9. September 14, 2012 3:09 pm

    Sigh!! the story of my life too! I should just reblog this!
    me- 🙂

  10. October 20, 2012 5:14 pm

    Lol:).sometimes I feel that when people dont have something to say, they just start small talk with either.when are you getting married or going to have kids..
    me- Hi:) How have you been?
    If that be the case,then I really wish people would pick some other topic to talk about like corruption in India or anything else. People who ask such questions dont seem very well versed in basic etiquettes to me because the questions are quite personal. If a loved one or someone I respect and know well asks it, only then is it fine.:)

  11. November 5, 2012 5:21 pm

    kuch toh log kahenge…logon ka kaam hai kehna…Apna kaam unki baat doosre kaan se nikaal dena 🙂 hope u remember me, How have u been dear?
    me- Wise words and so true:) I am learning this kaan art 😀
    ofcourse I remember you to- be- mommy….all the apprehensions you would share…but now you are a mommy, aren’t you? :)hows your little one?(((((((hugs))))))so good to see you:)

    • November 18, 2012 1:34 am

      yup dear I am now mommy times 2 :)….miss all of you…have been lost in the humdrum for a bit :)..howz you been dear?
      me- Congratulations!!!! 🙂 When we used to interact you were going to be a first time mom no? or am I wrong? ((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

  12. November 22, 2012 12:11 pm

    You think it happens with only girls? Believe me, the world is equally vicious with guys. Even my own friends who are now married and have kids will not leave me alone! It is as if they are waiting to see my cry handling my baby!
    How have you been? I had no idea you were still blogging. Just saw your comment on Shail’s blog and came here.
    me- haha! it’s a relief to know it happens to guys too. but seriously its like some form of national questionnaire or something.. everyone’s obsessed with THE question. 🙄
    about the blogging…I blog on and off as and when time and BSNL and their amazing network permit:) mostly I am off regular blogging atleast for another 6 months or so.

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